Through the Looking Glass

I look in the mirror, and who do I see?
It seems I should know the girl staring at me.

Some days she smiles, some she seems sad.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of day she has had.

At a glance, she's a woman. On a whim, she's a girl.
Some days her age just seems a great whirl.

Her eyes can be haunting, dark green or bright clear.
I cannot recall the last they allowed tears.

Sometimes her cheeks blush, but often they're pale.
I've seen her put blush on, most time to no avail.

Her lips become full as she applies her sweet balm,
They deepen in color and smile real calm.

Some days it takes much to lighten that face.
I just want to reach out and those sad lines erase.

But before I can get much too close to reach her,
She turns quickly away, leaving sight in a blur.

Some days she's a beauty, and I just stop and stare,
And admire her eyes, and her smile, and her hair.

I don't think she minds, this enrapture from me.
It's amazing for me to be near one as she.

Sometimes she'll come home, and with a look through the glass
I know it's been hard keeping up in her class.

Some days her clothes fit her, and she curtsies at me.
Often they hang loose, with dismay I can see.

She'll leave early morning, late at night she'll come in.
Sometimes I wonder if she's eaten anything.

Sometimes she'll avert her eyes from your stare,
I wonder what secrets she hides under there.

She never will tell, just smiles with a nod.
I wonder how long she can keep this facade.

I wonder what kind of a world she lives in.
Is the food really good? Do her shoes ever wear thin?

I wonder what placees she visits and sees.
Building real high? Forests and trees?

Perhaps she's a hero, and saves lives at night.
Maybe she sometimes prefers to have light.

Does she like movies with tales of lore,
Of maids in long dresses, and men off to war?

Does she sit in the sunlight and read a good book?
Does she dance in the moonlight in her own little nook?

Two worlds joined by glass, a portal of sorts.
So much to be said, much more is left short.

Oh, the things I could know of the one that I see.
The thing that's queer most- is that woman there is me.

Ps. I survived

Seven classes...check.
Sixteen credits...check.
Didn't fall asleep in class...check.
Didn't get engaged, married, or the like...check.
Did all my homework...raincheck!
Passed seven finals...check. I hope.
Went to bed early...check.
Went to bed in the early hours...check.
Learned stuff...check.
Achieved things...check.
Blogged....~squiggle~
Lost camera, earbuds and pencils...check. :-/
Saw people grow....Check.
Ready for break...Check.
Ready for bed...Check.

Goodnight. :)

Love, Me.

I want to Fly.....

I want to Fly.... but first, I must See....
Fly, to the sky!
See, to be free!!
Ah, what glorious feeling that would be....

Anyone care to join? There's plenty of room, and space to grow.
Plenty to share and feel with me,
For the Wind takes up as much room as the Sea,
And though covers the land, is quiet as can be,
And softly, can comfort what eyes cannot see.
A blanket for hearts, and the land, and the sea...

I want to Live, but first, I must Know;
What I'm striving to, what I'm yearning for.
For time will move forward with or without me,
And stop when I've found what will set myself free.
 
There comes a time when Time itself ends.
The days become weeks, the names are just penned.
When you forget who you are, and why you were there,
Just living the moment, letting down your hair,
Regarding no age, no time nor no past,
Just letting life go- is when Life seems to last. :)
 
I want to Rest, but first, I must Work.
Rest, to know peace,
Work, to find rest...
Ambiguous. One cannot be without the other.
Where is my balance?
What truly are my desires?
 
I just want to Fly.
I only wish Love.
I yearn for Peace.
I desire Care.
 
Do I wait? Do I go? Do I try? Will I know?
 
Ahh, but I just want to fly.... :)
 
Love, Me.

Happy Thanksgiving...

I've tried several times to write my feelings down today.  *chuckle* Needless to say, there are several drafts started all over my desk area... I haven't even titled this yet, I guess I'm just waiting for inspiration to come or something. 

I have the blessing of being able to wait.  Not being demanded to do something right now.

I'm listening to Josh Groban right now, and will probably go and play the piano in a minute.  Three of my uncles are here, they came for Thanksgiving Lunch.

I have the blessing of hearing.
I have the blessing of expression of emotion...
I have the blessing of a loving family, most of them close by and all welcoming.
My arms work.

I can remember a time just recently when my arms constantly hurt, frequently to the point of wrapping and icing, and sometimes so badly I couldn't even flex my fingers, let alone open a granola bar wrapper. Yeah, that bad.  My arms work, pain free.

I lost my camera a couple of months ago, so I haven't gone on as many sunset jaunts.  But I do have the ones I took over the summer, and a phone that takes pictures, plus my family has a camera, and, hey- I've got my memory... And eyes to see each one, a warm house to return to when it's cold outside.

Recently a man in my ward died, leaving four young kids and a wife behind.  One of the girls is in nursery, where I'm a leader. She clung to me last week, and wrapped herself around my heart in the process...This is the second father to die in seven months in our ward.

I have a dad...he's healthy, loving, and takes care of me.
I have friends and places to turn to when I can't find my way, am lonely, lost, or hurt...

This morning I took a warm shower with clean, good smelling soaps, and had clean, dry clothes choose from to wear.  I had the ability to flip a light switch with a finger and light up my room.  When I was in the hospital five years ago I had to use both arms and my body strength and strain to flip a switch.

I have a healthy, beating heart.
I had a very nice lunch today, and have food in the fridge if I get hungry.
I have the blessing of taste.
I have the blessing of health.
I have the blessing of healing.

Several friends are on missions right now, and several are receiving calls, and going out to serve...

I have the blessing of the gospel in my life.
I have the Glorious blessing of soon to be eight Temples within an hour drive of my home...
I have the blessing of having my church behind my house, and practically my whole neighborhood active.

The list goes on, as I think of more things I'm grateful for. Contacts, so I can see. Glasses, when I run out of contacts. Contacts to talk to. ;-) (Had to throw in a bit of humor there...)

Really, This whole earth.  Yes, I do have a hard time at school sometimes and the load is stressful at times. But then when it's gone I don't know what to do with myself. Grateful for each end of the spectrum, and the times inbetween, I suppose.

Thank you, Heavenly Father for all the blessings I've received.

Thanks, all, for everything.  For listening to my thoughts when I share them, for laughing at, with, and for me.  For taking care of me.  For letting me take care of you at times, too.  So many of you, (I'd dare say all) have changed my life, and helped me on my way.  Thanks for that.  I hope you all can find things to be grateful and thankful for in every day...

...I will be forever grateful for you all in every one of mine. :)

Love, Me.

Ps...Christmas is in a month. :)

It is...That is, Life...

Grow is the song of the young aspen tree,
Paint is the joy found in art.
Hear is the tune sung in bird's melodies,
Sing is the full body's part.

Learn is the will of a young child's mind,
See is the view of the Mount.
Feel is the sound that the pianist brings,
Peace is the strings of guitar.

Cry is the pain that all tragedy knows,
Laugh is the healing inside.
Know is the look from a wise man's mind,
Care is the hug from mankind.

Run is the release of a child at play,
Walk is the talk of the friend.
Swing is the call of the tree with a rope;
Fly is the song of the heart.

Write is the soul of the woman who thinks,
Show is the meaning of truth.
Smile is the knowledge of some greater meaning,
Love is the meaning of life.

Love, Me.

A riddle

You are driving along in your car. It is big enough for you, and a passenger seat, no other people.  You pull up to a bus stop basically in the middle of nowhere.  There are three people there.

Person #1: The epitome of love at first sight- this is your one true love.  Forever with this person has your name on it. :)

Person #2: Your best friend.  You would take a bullet for this person, and vise versa.  This is the one that you can say anything, do anything, and they'll understand.

Person #3: An elderly woman.  She is in dire need of emergency medial care, and can't wait for care.

Your choice: Who do you take, and why?

Well...what would you do? :)

Love, Me.

A disheartening thought...

...as I realize I'm not letting go.  Why am I doing this to myself?  How long has it been?  Days, weeks, months?  I'm trying.  But even in the act of getting up and leaving I know in the back of my mind that I'm half turned, waiting, hoping to be called, ignoring the cruel harsh voice that says "never more".

What is faith?  An hope of the heart, backed with some confirmation that what you believe in is real.

What is hope?  The thing that carries us when we have nothing left to ride on.

What is wishing?  Wishing is the very last chance/hope our hearts have that what we desire may somehow come true.  Wishing is living in the past, forgetting the present, and looking for the future.

Wishing is stupid.

I don't use that word very often, so that's saying something.

I must say, that for someone that doesn't believe in "wishes", "wishing" or having wishes granted, I certainly live a life that follows the act of wishing well.  Not saying they don't exist, I just simply have a hard time putting my trust in them.  I try to plant the idea of wishing and believing in others, because I know Believing at least works, so they can have hope.  There is a liberating feeling when you Believe, and/or know someone Believes in you.  You are your only limit for success.

I sometimes feel like one who is preparing everyone else, and in helping everyone else, when the train arrives found she was not ready...and was left suddenly behind.  The glasses were held up, but when I could finally opened my eyes, he was gone...

Oh, the deepest regrets of my heart!!  That which I do not mean to be said, is somehow spoken, and somehow that which I truly desire to express is hidden, with only glimpses coming out.  And I wonder, "what if?..."

...What if???

I want to be ready for the world.  I want to world to be ready for me.  But most of all, I want to be...me.

How will that "me" come about?  How will she be discovered?  I cannot tell you, but perhaps you could tell me?

For anyone who may read out there, friend or foe, I bid you good luck in life.  I apologize if I have shocked or offended you in any way, and would ask your forgiveness.  I suppose my biggest question is, who sees me, and what do they see? Who do they see? Where do they see me?

97.

I smile in memory of the young boy that met me and called me "mom".  I'm not sure what convinced him of this, for I certainly have no reason to claim this title...
...all the same, I love you, sweetie. Keep smiling, okay, Bub? :)  Try not to kill yourself in discovering flight from the top of a couch. ;-) Let me know if I can do anything for you, ever and always.  Same with you, Laki and Bud.  You guys are amazing, and a reliever in my life, All of you. ;-)

The rest of you, stay true; you never know who's watching. :)  If you can, keep wishing.  If you think you can change my mind about any of this, I'm open for any suggestions you may have...

Love, Me.