You are Greater than a Sparrow

Recent events have led me to leave my homework, and ponder as I try to sort out my thoughts. Please forgive me as I share some experiences.

Life is interesting. Lift is loving. Life is hard. How can anyone possibly hope to get through life without friends, family, and the gospel?

A couple of days ago I went to visit with a close friend who was recently in an accident. She has a severely broken knee and ankle, and a shattered wrist. As I was sitting there, listening to her as I rubbed her aching skin and muscles with lotion, I could feel her exhaustion coming through with every word and breath she took.  I became again grateful for the use of my legs for everyday activity, and my arms, even though Carpal Tunnel is creeping back in at alarming rates.

That leads me to think more- the other day I was buying some groceries for my mom at Maceys in Provo. Two gallons of milk, and some sour cream. After mastering the self-checkout (yes!), I figured I could just take them out to my car in the hand basket thing I'd got them in.  So I was loading my car with these groceries, and a woman I've never met before approaches me, and asks if I could give her a ride to DI across the street where her car is parked.  She didn't seem like a threat to me, and I figured since I had time that I could, and said yes. She remarked several times during that ride that I was "one of the greenest persons she knew", because I didn't use plastic bags. I remarked that I really didn't have to use them; there were so few groceries, and she still said I was still one of the most economic people she'd met.  I wasn't sure if that was really true, but I thought I'd just smile and leave it alone.  I was comfortable to just listen to her talk, and she seemed to like talking herself, and told me about her daughter and how proud she was of her, and thanked me repeatedly for the ride, saying how the world has seemed to become more closed. She told me how even her daughter, who was once happy and bright towards everyone when she was younger was now becoming more reserved.  She contemplated on how the world is becoming so different, to which I probably murmured some sort of positive response as I tried not to jostle us too much on the road bumps, and thought about how much I'd really like to go around the bumps, and how I didn't like parking lots.  While she was talking, I did a lot of thinking. About what she was saying, and reflected on the world I grew up that has evolved into the one I'm currently living in.  I dropped her off, and after waiting to make sure her car started, drove home up State Street. 

I did a lot of thinking on that trip home.  About that whole experience.  I mean, I'd just given a complete stranger a ride in my car.  And my thoughts on the way home revolved upon that, and how I'd considered her at first as not a threat, and how I'd come to that conclusion in a two-second glance.  I suppose it was my judgment, that she wouldn't hurt me, and...something.  Something told me it would be okay. As she was talking and mentioned her daughter attending Institute and wanting to attend BYU, I suspected she was LDS, although never asked.  Not that it should have made a difference.  Anyhow. There's my experience that I'm not sure should be brought across as a "Good Samaritan", because...I don't know why.

I read three books over the weekend. Different plots, different writers.  None of them terribly thick material, although sometimes it became deep in emotion.  But one in particular is coming to mind, by Anita Stansfield called By Love and Grace.  I'm not going to explain it because it's not pertinent right now.  But it was really, really sad.  Made my heart ache, and caused me to think.  About my reactions, and people's approaches, and life.  That was backwards, I know, forgive me.  Dan Yates wrote Call me Angel which was humerous but made me wish it was more openly LDS.  Also made me think.  The last one, Saving Kristen by Jack Weyland made me reflect on my life, circumstances and career choice.

These books prepared me, but I didn't know how much or quickly they would.  My friends told me things about their lives today, and without losing their confidences, has made me grateful for the things I have, and caused my heart to sorrow.  Sigh. So this is me telling someone about it, without saying anything.

For those who are hurting, I can't tell you enough how sorry I am.  Thank you for sharing.  ...You've led me to think. I'm praying for you.

You know that scripture about how God knows when a sparrow falls? Something so small and common, and yet He is aware of every feeling and fleeting moment in its life. He hears the tiny song it sings, whether impressive or quite common and ordinary.  Though it may not feel particularily special in any way, He loves that sparrow and cares for it in a way only He can.  You, His child, are so incredibly precious to Him; would He not also have great desires about you and your life? Would He perhaps be there, every step of the way, whether you knew it or not?  Caring for you, rejoicing in your triumphs and joys, mourning with your sorrows.  I believe so...for you are greater than a sparrow.

Love, Me.

Music. No, really, MUSIC.

One day I hope to make a music video like this.

Or like this:

Although I don't play cello, so piano and dancing may have to suffice. I'm fine with that. ;)

This one brings me peace:

All three of these help me do my homework and keep my sanity.

I hear songs like these and think, "I can play that. I just need sheet music...."



'Course, my mind is blown for several minutes listening to it. ;)

Others, like this one, make me smile and glad to be here:



Jon Schmidt, Steven Sharp Nelson, and Piano Guys...

...you are my hero's.

Just one more item for my bucket list. Hoo-rah.  ;)

Love, Me.

Wonders

School started this week. It's been good, albiet long and tiring, and often leaving me burning whatever few calories I'm able to consume in between class. But still, it's enjoyable, and in a strange way, I'm glad to be back. I've been reading, and studying, and reading some more, trying to keep up and get a head start on the looming midterms and eventual finals. Trying to remember.

Sometimes I wonder what allows us to remember.  I know I've studied about the brain in Psychology, and learned about the hippocampus, the ear canal and other contributing factors to the memory storage in our brains. But something I can take weeks to study somehow gets...left behind, in a way, by the random, "nearly unimportant" parts of life that I can recall in an instant.  Like a fact, a name, an instance.

Back to the beginning of last paragraph. What allows us to remember? A personal desire, wish, connection to the subject?  I can reflect and recall names, instances, smells, scenery...nearly recreating an entire experience in my mind, verbatim with what happened.  Easily.  We all have things that trigger a chain-reaction, such as a smell (it's incredibly amazing how intense a reaction I have to some), a phrase, a look, a place, a name...you get the picture.  And yet there are some things, some experiences that we all try to block out and erase because we regret them in some way. 

So there must be a part of the personal will involved here. 

Perhaps this is too deep for tonight. Perhaps it's just me trying to unwind from a level of intense and critical thinking. (Not to say that I successfully maintained that level today, although my language may dictate otherwise...) Perhaps it's a fond memory in itself, when I think of someone, and a whole list of memories comes rushing back, and a part of me wishes for that time, and yet another part has already moved on, and is waiting with a smile for me to keep walking.  I suppose I'll always keep walking, in a way.  It's in my heritage.  Some part of that Stubborn-King-Streak that's in me. Which I believe, along with other things, is what kept me alive this time six years ago.  Wow.  That is another story for another day, although if you're curious, go back a year on this blog and you'll understand better.  Not perfectly.  But.  Better.

You know that song by Anna Nalick, "Breathe (2AM)"? She has a line in her song that says how "life's like an hourglass glued to the table".....And that in itself is just one of an entire crew of thoughts and memories that came up. About change. About life. About songs, and music, and love, and finding out who you are and who you want to be, in the midst of chaos.  I suppose I've been one who is curious, and about things that people say who's logic makes complete sense in my mind. With the hourglass- "yes, it may be glued to the table. But...the table's not glued to the floor, is it?"  And I'd have this image of a wooden table on it's flip side.  Point?  Memories, and thoughts and imagination can create the greatest magic and wonder inside of us than the world could ever imagine.  My points may not make complete sense to you now, tomorrow, or ever. But for me...

...I'm left with proof that a magic of sorts exists. 11:11.

Truly, though, isn't that what thoughts and memories are?  Magic.

Lemme know what you think.

Love, Me.

This is the view...

...in my room.

Jealous?

I'd be surprised if you weren't. ;)

This has been my summer-long project. My good friend Maestro and I started this at the end of June, with ideas and practice sketches and paintings on paper, collaborating ideas in May, and putting the first strokes on in June. 

We started with the grass and a dark base coat on the oak (?) tree. The "shadows" you see of the branches are leftover paint I had from painting the rest of my room the light blue you see on the left.  This took a couple hours.

This stayed for a while as both of us traveled during July, then at the beginning of August, Maestro's sister Skipper joined us and we got this done:

The two outside trees are aspens, with a dark blue/black base coat.

Skipper did the mountains and...trees? Plus great technical support. ;)

That's us and the wall after a few hours of work...and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix paying on the laptop in the foreground...in case you were wondering. ;)

Rock. And grass. and flowers. :)

Maestro. ;) She did the trees, mountain texture, field texture, and flowers. And probably some sky.

Who knew I could have something like this? ;) I did basics- grass, sky, and supplied the wall.

After 5 hours of painting on Monday, we were done. :)

I learned a lot doing this. How to have a different kind of patience, how to blend things, I got to see another style, and experienced more boldness that turned out to be the greatest masterpiece of a painting that I could hope for. We may add leaves later on, but for now...I like my view. :) Thanks to all the lovely ladies who helped with this project: Mom, Maestro, Skipper, Martha Stuart for your paint, and families....  Maestro was phenomenal during all of this. She'd take my ideas in and understand my vision, then paint something I never knew we could. I'd be like, "Maes, I know blue and yellow makes green. But I'm getting grey! Help!" and she'd make green. I'd say "Can we add flowers?" and ka-ZAM there were flowers. Thanks, Maes, you're a lifesaver, and a great friend. :)

Basically, I love this. It's turned out even more amazing than I could have ever dreamed of doing on my own. And it's taken a lot more time than I thought it would....which is why we faded out the rest of the wall. If we want to add on in the future, I'm sure we could. For now, though, I've had a good time, and have lots to show for it.  By the way, for those who know where Arco is, does the mountain remind you of anything as you're driving from the Junction to Arco? I think it does. ;)

Sometimes adventure doesn't have to leave your home. :)

Love, Me.

Waiting...

Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting........

What am I waiting for?


Hmm.








Let's put a pin in this one.

Love, Me.

Life

Sometimes I don't know what to do.
Should I sit? Sing? Dance? Draw?
So I get on here, and blog.

Sometimes my insides just sit there and wait,
Just sit there and sit there,
Doing nothing. Barey moving, barely noticable.

Others a part of my soul is pushing at all parts of reality,

Trapped,

And can hardly contain a gut-wrenching scream to all parts of the universe.

Sometimes a part of me wants to sit in a hammock,
In my own little corner of the world,
And sit there and weep and breathe and cry.

Occasionally I'll get anxious, and restless,
And my fingers will play long, fast scales up and down the keyboard.
So long and hard it makes my arms ache.

Sometimes I stay up late into the night,

Because I can't sleep, can't dream.

Can't dream. For all the sweetness it brings, waking hurts.

Once I sat out with a friend, watching a movies under the stars.
I sat for long periods of time watching the sky,
And the moon, and the stars. Forgoing the movie. Just observing.

Sometimes I just want to talk.
Just talk. Remember. Nothing else.
Just, talk.

Of course, just as often I'd rather listen.
Hear others express themselves.
Because it's nice to be heard.

Sometimes I wonder, how can someone be so torn, so confused?

Content, and filled with longing at the same time?

Wonder, and yet know the reason why the whole time?

One day I'll know. I'll be fine.

Til then, I'll keep walking down this long, dusty road.

Longing, Listening, Loving. Learning.

Love, Me.

The most beautiful place on earth...

...and I get to live here for the next few days.

Idaho is amazing. I am absolutely in love with it, and have been since I was born.  I'm up here on the "King Farm" in Moore...a town outside of Arco and Lost River...where the famous King Mountain is that hang-gliders lift off of.  The sunsets are spectacular, the air is clear, the weather wonderful...and up here, you can understand the phrase in America the Beautiful: Amber waves of grain. Truly, beauty in one of it's best forms.

Tuesday I had a neat experience. Backing up, I went to the Single's Branch with three of my boy cousins, and the oldest of the three said he was going to do Baptisms for the Dead with the youth of the Arco ward.  So I got to ride with him, and do some family names, and go inside the Idaho Falls Temple for the first time.  Wow. So beautiful. They're doing construction work outside on the Temple grounds, but I got some good pictures of the Temple itself...and the falls across the street were magnificent.  Tristan said they were especially pretty when they had rocks at the edge of the falls, but still, I thought they were nice.

 

I drove my little brother on the three-wheeler over to the river down the ways, and we waded in it for a while on Monday.  The water was cold...but you didn't notice after a while. ;) We did manage to lose one of his sandals, and despite our best efforts to retrieve it...nada... Oops. :P BUT!!! We went back yesterday, and it had gone down some, and we found it stuck on a piece of wood! Hallelujah! :)

This place has completely taken my heart...I wonder how I'll be able to return to home in Utah on Monday. :-/  I love Orem, and the people and where we live...but I can't seem to get over how this place is.  I've seriously thought about living up here in a few years when I'm older and perhaps out of college...course, I could always transfer to BYU-I. Right? Eh... Not completely sure. I guess I'm just loving this change of pace.  This scenery.  The love of family and friends that is up here.  Something.  Blogger has been frustrating me for the past few minutes, as I've tried to add a few more pictures a few days after I first posted this.  I had things ready, we stopped to get lunch, and I came back and my tumbdrive wasn't working, and my post had been deleted. (Gah!!) Thank goodness for ctrl-Z. :P Anyhow, here's the updated version. :)

...Here's some more pictures.

When Nathan and I went over to the river yesterday, we'd planned on coming home after about an hour. Nice amount of time to get a nice little tan, right? Well, then our family came, and we stayed for another couple of hours. I'd gotten sunscreen on before we went...but you can see how that went. This is how I am now...semi-red on the arms, and red and white on the top. :P

We went out to take some updated pictures for grandma's wall...but the wind was blowing, so we'll probably wait until later tonight. We got these this afternoon.

These are some evening shots of the farm...

This one is my favorite right now. :)

Utah is definitely good. But it's nice to know that I can always call Idaho Home. :)

Love, Me.