Wrong Words to Use...

When trying to impress someone:
   - I do this, that, etc. (Talking only of yourself)
   - Pick up lines. Hate them.
   - You're just like him/her in this way...

When "comforting" someone on a break up:
   - You'll get over it
   - He/she wasn't good enough for you
   - I'm sorry you broke up, but I'm glad to have you back
   - Now we can do (insert something here) again
   - This is better for you
   - Are you interested in/going to go out with anyone this weekend?
   - Why don't you try so-and-so?
   - I feel better now that you aren't dating him/her
   - Aren't you over him/her yet?

When you want someone to do something:
   - "Never", "Always", "You should" phrases
   - Basically if you command without asking

When you're angry at someone:
   - I hate you
   - "You always" or "You never" statements
   - "Why don't you?..."
   - "You can't" or "You should" statements

Right words to use

When trying to impress someone:
   - So tell me about yourself
   - "Really?" "Wow!" "That's neat!"
   - Focus on them, look them in the eye, smile and be sincere. Don't interrupt. Be polite. Follow up with them.

When comforting someone on a break up:
   - I'm sorry
   - How do you feel?
   - Is there anything I can do?
   - Want to do something ____?
   - Give them a hug, let them vent/cry, whatever, just let them be sad and work through their feelings.  They're hurting and probably will for a while.

When you want someone to do something:
   - "Could you", "Please" statements
   - Be nice. Be sincere. Don't force yourself/your opinions on them. Talk with them, and make sure you both are REALLY on the same page. Give and take - don't expect them to be able to unconditionally give to you.   Don't feel entitled to anything.  People are people too.

When you're angry at someone:
   - "I feel like ___ when ____ happens"
   - **And if you're listening to them, LET THEM TALK WITHOUT interrupting. If you absolutely have to say something, ask if you can, then let them talk again.
   - I'm frustrated right now, but I'll get over it
   - Never point fingers at someone. You'll usually say things you regret later. If anything, let them know that you aren't ready to talk at the moment without saying things you don't want said, so you need to take a time out. This may be at least 10 minutes, but no longer than 24 hours, or else you'll never get the problem resolved.  During that time out, calm yourself and think about what you really want to accomplish.  Are you there to resolve the issue, or hurt someone else? Pray. Point out how you feel, not what the other person is doing wrong, until you can calmly talk about the issue without your emotions leading the conversation.



Just some things to think about.

Love, Me.

That Lonely Walk

Learn to walk that lonely road.
Learn to sing that song alone.
Find your path next to no one,
Learn to walk that lonely road.

Keep your thoughts just to yourself.
Keep those wishes dear in range,
Try that smile, don't matter fear,
Keep your hopes inside of here.

Forget the sound of sweet harmony.
Forget the bliss of being free.
Face the road and icy glare;
Forget the past; you can't stay there.

Leave the heartache and worried fear.
Leave the pain from letting near.
Go your way with thoughts inclined, to
Leave the sound of voices twined.

Let no anger rise within.
Let no frustrations grow or pound.
Put up that face of bravery,
Let only strength be seen from me.

Know that this pain will someday pass.
Know that I knew this time could come.
Perhaps 'twas never meant to be,
Know yet there's still pain in store for me.

Get used to turning away.
Get no hopes or intentions.
Realize someday will be okay, and
Get back to the former way.

Give all you can for everyone else.
Give no thought for yourself.
Quell the hate and hurt and fears,
Give no place for pain-filled tears.

Learn to walk that lonely road.
Learn to re-love being yourself.
Apart from what you had, take your load, ...and
Learn to walk that lonely road, alone.














Inspired by: "Lonesome Road" The King Singers, "Learn to be Lonely" Phantom of the Opera, Life.

Love, Me.

-Written 10/19/2012

Announcements (No, not the kind you're thinking of)

Every once in a while I find myself sitting at my desk trying to do homework, but alas, 'tis to no avail.  It's usually those times when I either go looking for a snack, waste time on my computer, stare at my planner indefinitely, daydream, or blog.  Occasionally I do more than one at a time.

Tonight's random mumble of words comes from something I call Serendipity, which as shared by Cupcake is "finding something good without looking for it".  This can be in convincing your teacher to make your in-class midterm a take home due by the end of Friday, in walking barefoot in the drizzle of rain, or discovering yourself suddenly in the midst of love.  All very good things.

I've learned something in the past few weeks.  About love, and hardship, trust, honesty, hate, dedication, homework, and trials.  My status on Facebook last week read:

"This Week, conquered:
-9 papers, six due Tuesday.
-2 tests, because I decided to wait til Monday for the last one.
-350 pages of reading
-2 class presentation competitions
-Emotional days
and organizing Visiting Teaching. What now. I can do hard things.

All with less than 20 hours of sleep for the week. Yeah baby! It can only get better with General Conference this weekend!!! :)"

Yes, it is true.  Last week was one that I had serious doubts about surviving, but after Monday and all its hardships conquered, I realized I could do it, and the rest of the week, though hard, was bearable.  I'm realizing with each passing week that, yes last week was hard, but this next week is what's really going to be a challenge.

You know, I got on here with a specific purpose, but I can't remember for the life of me what that was.

Oh yes. Now I remember. General Conference was amazing, and the talks were centered very carefully around the questions and concerns I've had.  A lot about families, overcoming trials, and staying converted.  It will be great.  Also, this conference was monumental with the announcement that President Monson gave in the Saturday Morning Session about missionary work - young men can serve missions at 18 and young women at 19 if they so desire!!!!!!!!!!!  This is incredible!!! Usually, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints send young men out at the age of 19 and young women at 21 to be missionaries that spread the gospel and Christlike love and service to the world.  This OPTION is in hopes of bringing more people to the true knowledge of Christ and to help them know that He lives and is an influence in our lives.  This announcement will not only allow many more individuals to serve, but more to serve together.  I admit, while everyone is talking about RM (Returned Missionaries) dating experiences, changes in families, in school decisions, in life really, my first thought was - "Now boyfriends and girlfriends can serve at about the same time".  Crazy, huh?

With this great announcement, and the fact that I'm 20 and therefore "eligible", I had some thinking to do.  It took me about 10 slack-jawed, smile-starting seconds of my life to let this sink in, and while the second phase of excitement and implications set in, I considered it.  I haven't been planning on serving, what with Keys coming back in less than 9 months, and I'm in school, and have the calling and blessing of being Relief Society President.  That, and other reasons (aka boys).  Though I would confirm this a few days later in the temple as a request rather than question, my answer is still the same, and my decision firm.  I don't know why I need to announce it to the world, but just so you know, I'm not planning on serving a mission at this time.  In communicating, I made it clear that if it was His will that I would go, but if it was okay if I continued with my plans, would that be okay? - The answer was yes, and unless I get the huge urge to go, I'll wait until I can serve abroad with my husband.  I figure I can do a lot of good here, and someone needs to be around to date the poor boys with half of their dating prospects on missions. ;)

Kidding.

Mostly.  Anyway.  Life is busy, to the extreme.  Life is good.  Hard.  Tiring.  But, as I'm finding out- doable. For now, I'm going to bed.  Sweet dreams, world of wonder,

Love, Me.

To those from 9/11 eleven years ago...

We remember.  Solemn minds.

We salute.       Steady hands.

We love.             Full hearts.

We thank.         Whole voice.

We pledge.            Our lives.

To you.

Love, Me.

It's Been Seven Years

Well, I wouldn't normally be posting frequently as I have been except for the fact that there are always anomalies in the universe, or events that would logically be the catalyst for me sitting here and typing about it.  Right now is something that I post about every year on or around the anniversary of a special time for me, which conveniently is today.

It's been seven years today.

I can't even hardly say it, it's so astounding to me- both that it's been so long and yet, not that long ago. I've blogged about it here and here, but in case you are not one of those people to click links, I'll tell you a bit.

Seven years ago I was so sick and dehydrated that my amazing doctor couldn't get a blood pressure from me.  A half hour later at Utah Valley Hospital, the nurses were changing shifts and trying to find ANY vein to get an IV in.  One finally got in my left hand, but unfortunately (but actually, fortunately) I wasn't having a diabetic reaction, so the insulin they gave me wasn't that good.  The line in my right arm got pulled out by accident when the nurse's glove got taped down and she turned to get something.  She almost cried.

I remember getting in a wheelchair, and into a bed.  Suddenly I remember being in another room, a bigger one right next to the nurse's station.  A higher intensive care room.  I remember chest pain, or, at least, that's what I remember from what my mom tells me.  Results from a heart monitor showed something similar to a heart attack, which the cardiologist who happened to be there at 10:00 that night (on the one night a week she went to UVRMC) was able to diagnose and order the Life Flight team to take me to Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake.  All I could think was, "If this is my appendix like someone said 10 minutes ago, why can't they take it out here?  Heart Buddy (my best friend growing up) had to be life flighted, too, for her heart..." I can't even begin to imagine the devastating horror my parents must have been experiencing at this time, watching 15 doctors and nurses rush in and out of my room, tension rising by the second with each new failure we encountered.

That ride was by far the loudest and most painful ride I have yet encountered in my life.  But, another small miracle; the medicine I was given to make me sleep didn't take effect until after I had been in the Emergency Room in Salt Lake.  Normally out after 10-15 seconds, I lasted for about 15 minutes, a miracle we were told by the Life Flight nurse kept me alive.  I am forever indebted to her and the rest of the incredible (though  incredible is not quite appropriate enough a word) individuals who worked with everything they had to keep me alive.  And I don't even know her name to thank her.

Cardiac arrest is an interesting phenomenon.  Though in itself it is relatively painless, the events leading up and following were excruciating.  I awoke several times to doctors shouting my name, and an electrifying, screaming bolt of electricity would course through my body making it jump several inches off the table.  I would start running through the routine that they'd know I knew who I was still; "My name is Jenna King, I am 13 years old, I go to Dixon Middle School, my parents are Carson and...Susan..King, I-" and then my heart would stop again.  Sometimes when I woke up I would feel bad for causing so much trouble, and an "I'm sorry" would whimper out.  But mostly I said it hoping they'd get the hint.  I just wanted someone to say they were sorry for me.

Eventually unconsciousness took over and the next few days on life support are a blur to me, thanks to the medication.  Time was irrelevant, painfully long and yet preciously short as results would come back progressively worse with each one.  A ventilator took over breathing, since I wasn't doing it on my own.  A pacemaker so they didn't have to have to use the defibrillator would shock my heart every time it would stop (scar on my neck). What felt like millions of lines and devices plugged all over my body, and daily X-rays to show that my heart was twice the size it should have been.  Echocardiograms, EKG's, tests, saline, suction, imminent surgeries, worry.....and about a 10-17% estimated chance of surviving through one more night.

Then comes the time where you have done literally everything you can do, you have worked your hardest, tried all of your options, and you reach the end of your line, and have to sink down with your head in your hands, and painfully, tearfully admit that you cannot do anything else, and your best has not been sufficient.  In that moment, you are the blessed individual to experience the Atonement in your life as Heavenly Father steps in and figuratively parts the Red Sea - does the impossible.  He held my life in suspense, hovering just barely above the "line" where I would have to have surgery, or wouldn't make it.  Then, through the faith and prayers and fasting and tears of so many individuals, and His miraculous love and mercy, He blessed and allowed me to get better.

13 days after I entered, I was wheeled out of Primary Children's with astounding progress.  True, my heart was still swollen and leaking badly, my arms were bruised green and purple and red all up and down from the IV's, I was 5'8" (current height) and weighed 122 lbs, I couldn't walk far without needing a rest, but I was alive.  This trial that came to me and influenced myself and my family in the form of a virus called Myocarditis has shaped me and given me direction and a duty to become who I am today.  I suppose with this amazing experience that happened to me, I pledged my life to be someone who did things for other people and gave of myself not just because it was a good thing to do, but it was the right thing for me to do.  Sort of like a mission or calling or contract I have, to do and be an agent in the Lord's hands.  The conditions to continue living required I hand my plans over to the Lord and continue with His approvals, and make changes as He makes notes in my "Life Planner". It has resulted in a major change (haha) - from Music Ed, though helpful and satisfying I'm sure it could have been, to Family Studies at BYU.  To let go of some dreams and find place for others.  To learn that I loved taking care of and serving others more than anything else.  To direct my focus on Him.




It's been a long road.  So many things have happened and changed -of which I am grateful for- and in many ways I have grown.  Too many to be named here.  Also, not everyone's story turns out like mine.  Sometimes we give all we can, and the Lord still says, "Not this time".  Your faith might be stronger than mine.  Your circumstances and needs greater, and yet, for a test of your faith, you hear "Not yet".  My question for you is- can you still stand strong and resolute as if you had received a "Yes"?

This hasn't been the most detailed version of the experience I've told, but for today, I've shared what I deemed necessary.  Just letting the world know that I have risen from an event seven years ago that had the great potential to stop me in my tracks.  But of course, I'm stubborn and strong willed, but most of all extremely blessed.  Now I just hope that with this, I'm doing what I should be.  It's been seven years, and a great journey, for sure, filled with light, learning, laughter, love, music, joy, pain, sorrow, disappointment, happiness, gratitude, and more.  I'm glad He's in charge.

Love, Me.

Ps. School's started this week. I'm a Junior. Homework's crazy. But hopefully, it'll be good.

Yeah, it will be. :)

Life Truth #2

Can't focus, can't focus, wasting time, can't focus........

Welcome to day four of homework.

Love, Me.

Lessons I Learned While Sailing...

So a few nights ago for a ward activity we went sailing on Utah Lake in Provo.  At first there was pretty much no wind, hardly a breeze, so we paddled around and splashed each other to our hearts content, came back to shore to dock and have treats (Happy birthday, Brave), then all got excited when we saw some of our group out on the water - Sailing.  Not just floating around, but real life, honest to goodness, caught a breeze and they were sailing.

So I jumped into a boat with two others (Captain and Length) and we were off, first going around the little harbor and getting the hang of the controls.  Captain was at the bow, directing the sails and pretty much being a captain, Length was in the middle counterbalancing our weight and using the paddle when needed, and doing whatever else was needed, and I was steering at the stern.  I'm not sure what the right word is that I'm looking for here, but I think it was giddily we made our way out of the smaller area into another harbor about twice its size.

Lesson #1) We get excited once we get the hang of things and want to do them more, in larger areas.  Doesn't matter if we're really good or still learning, we want to know more.

The wind really kicked up out here, and a few "woo-hoo's" and "Man this is great, I LOVE sailing!'s" later, we decided that we wanted to and were ready to go out farther.

I'm going to pause telling this story and give another personal insight here, you can call it Lesson #2 or Mistake #1 or leave it be, whichever is fine with me.  But although we had the "hang of things", we obviously weren't ready for this, but lack of experience didn't seem to matter to us, as our desires took over and we just wanted to do this, so we did.  I've found that happens a lot in life, sadly to me as well as others.  I'll just want to stay up late, or keep playing, and sometimes ignore that small, quiet voice that has more knowledge than I'll ever have saying that I shouldn't do it.  Sometimes the consequences aren't as bad, like being tired the next day or getting to play longer, but having to work on homework longer into the night, but sometimes the consequences can actually be bad - really bad.  If you go to far into something you shouldn't, you hold your breath longer than healthy, you wear clothing "just on the edge" a little too often....and you find yourself beyond the safety of the harbor, and deeper in waves.

Which is exactly where we found ourselves.  It was fun at first (Okay, I'll admit. It was amazing and full of adventure the whole time for me), but then the wind picked up and we sailed farther out than we had anticipated, and in a small, strange moment, I looked around and noticed we were the only ones out on the lake.  Where there had been several other boats out, (and then I did notice two other boats across the lake, but they were by the shore), suddenly however, we were alone. That's when that little voice started a few thoughts and "lightbulb moments" in my head and that voice of concern piped up again.  The thought, "The experienced boaters (who surely would be capable out here) have gone into the safety of the harbor, because they know what's right and safe, and don't want to play with this...maybe we should too."  But the water which lapped up and down and created the illusion of the ground being alive was exciting to me, and the sun was setting behind the mountain across the lake, and I thought, "Man this is beautiful.  I love it out here, this is new and exciting...and so fun."  Then we saw another sailboat from our group venturing out towards us, and after a few moments, tipped and capsized.  We took down our sail, paddled over to them (it took a while), and helped them get their sail up again (after they flipped their boat right-side up), and then decided, maybe we should go back now.  Only, we couldn't.

Now, by this point, we'd already had two men on seadoos come and ask if we needed any help (quite honestly, I wasn't sure how they would be able to tow us, which shows how much I know), a few motorboats had come by (One asking "Do you need assistance?" - which was obviously not a question, but an expert's eye saying we needed some, but being respectful of the pride aboard our little boat, offered it with the slight chance that we could get to shore ourselves. We're independent, see.) But of course, we would say back that thank you, but we were fine, and keep trying to figure out what we were doing and how to get back without tipping ourselves out in the boisterous waves.

This reminded me of a couple of stories. One of the man who heard a flood was coming, knelt down to pray that he would be saved, and then ignored the offers from his neighbors to come away with him, as well as the lifeboats sent out in the storm, and the helicopter when he was on his roof.  Come to find out (after he had died) that those people had been sent by the Lord to save him, he just didn't recognize it.  Now, thankfully we didn't die. But really, we should have taken the first offer for help, pride or no pride, experience or no experience.  Stupid, stubborn independent young adults.

The second story is one that we've heard a couple of times, most recently heard by my Bishop in church.  He  described three types of boats to us- 

The first a sailboat that goes out in fair weather but comes in when it gets rough. And if you notice, when you look up "sailboat" on Google Images, the only pictures you see are sunny, calm ones. 

The second a loading barge (the official name escapes me) that can carry thousands of pounds of goods from place to place, but it has to be towed around to do it. 


The third and final boat - a Coastguard Cutter. These solid, massive boats go out whenever needed, even or especially in tempestuous waves and the blackest of conditions at night, and save whoever needs saving.  Now the analogy and question - what kind of boat are we, and what kind should we be?  The Sailboat is someone who goes out and does good when the weather (timing) is right for them, but as soon as it gets hard they come back in.  The barge has to be pushed and pulled to do anything.  But the Coastguard Cutter leaps into action whenever needed.  I have wanted to be a Coastguard Cutter.  I want to be the kind of person described as Nephi - going and doing, even when it was hard.  Especially when it was hard.  Someone to be counted on, that you know will do what's right in the face of whatever they are presented with, not just because it was their duty, but their honor: it's who they are.  

And I let myself, and everyone I was with, down.

There's some words I can feel the taste of as I relate this story.  Defeat.  Distaste.  Guilt.  Disappointment.  Sorrow.  Hardest of all is knowing I did not do my duty, in the time of action when it was needed most, I did not do it, and the disappointment must be pretty hard to match on both sides.

Back to the story.  We'd taken our sail down and had tried to bring it back up again.  The wind was blowing angrily in our faces, the waves gathering and pushing us farther from shore.  Our best hope, we decided was to turn into the wind so that our sail wouldn't carry us away, and keep pushing forward.  These thoughts kept going through my mind that I've explained, and every now and then I'd sneak a peek at the sun setting behind the mountain.  I knew it was close to 8, when we were supposed to be done, and we were still struggling to make it back.  Still, amazingly, our spirits weren't dampened (though our physical attire certainly was), and though the earlier 'excitement' we had felt was diminishing, I personally wasn't afraid.  Let me explain that.  There are certain levels of fear you can experience - butterflies with a crush or getting up to speak in front of people, alarm/startled surprise when someone scares you, worry, tenseness, concern, heart pounding/cold hands/dry mouth/heart-in-your-stomach feelings, and utter and complete fear where you are scared for safety and you can't think straight.  I wasn't that last one, although unfortunately, I have learned that there were some that were experiencing that, to whom I am deeply and terribly sorry.  I knew we weren't "safe", but somehow I was calm and felt like everything would be okay.

Eventually we saw the sail of the instructor, as he came out to try and help steer us back.  However, no matter how much we tried, we didn't, and finally he called to us, "You are making no progress; get them to tow you!"  Yep, we agreed.  We definitely need help. So our kind saviors tossed us a line to our dinghy as they said and towed us back, where we met the worried faces of those who stayed from our group.

A few more lessons and insights, in order as they come.

3) We may know a lot, but we often don't know enough.

4) There are many times in our life where we venture out past the safety of the harbor, so to speak.  We ignore that thought that enters in and says it's not safe, and do what we want, assuming we are completely capable.   When in fact we aren't, stubborn pride keeps us going when we would be better off coming in.

5) There are more chances to come back than we know.  The first option is ours when we make decisions, and it surprises me how quickly the others can come.  Those men on the seadoos were our second warning flag/chance, just like the man in the story who prayed to be saved from the flood, but was blind to the chances given him.  

6) We should have gone back. We should have gone back.  Just like sin in our life, we shouldn't have gone in the first place, no matter what experiences we thought we could have had or things to have learned, the venture shouldn't have been made in the first place.  But even when we're "lost", there are plenty of opportunities to turn back....and we could get out of our situation faster.  True, there will likely be consequences when we do, but they seem to become more severe the longer we stay.

7) Bad things can happen, even to those who are "innocent".  Our friends likely didn't know either that it was so dangerous, or that they would lose control and flip.  Like anyone else, they probably thought they were fine, that they were strong enough, they wouldn't give in........but like everyone else....they fell.  Even the strongest man will weaken when beaten upon, if he is not standing where he is supposed to.

8) You may just be going "a little ways in", but soon you will find yourself surrounded by whatever you have entered, to the next degree.  You will.  Unless you turn a full 180* and flee without looking back, like Joseph of Egypt, you will be caught, and find yourself surrounded by either literal or metaphorical waves that are trying their best to toss you off your feet.

9) The clutches of the world can be quick and grip you fast.  And man, you can be enjoying yourself and where you're at before you realize it. 

10) It looks calm and appealing and doable and safe from anywhere of 100-1 foot away.  It's a trap.  It is tempting on purpose, and there are railings, rules and guidelines For A Reason!!

11) You really are happiest living within the rules and guidelines set up by those leaders who have experience.  I've "tried it" - you sail out where it looks fun, (ex. some may go out late, or wear clothing very close to a fine line), but you get there and realize......it's not.  It's dangerous.  You aren't You.  And you may not be able to get out of the grip of this vice on your own.

12) There are saviors in this life.  Our own that night on the boat with the capable motor that enabled them not only to help themselves, but rescue those who need it.  They exemplify the great Savior who atoned for our sins and allowed the way for us to heal, repent and return to our Father in Heaven.  He is the one who comes and reaches for us and saves us from where we are, and brings us back to safe

13) Sometimes you need to save without asking permission.  Pull people out of their lost state, back to the harbor and take care of their needs because you know they need it.  I'm not saying to do this every time, but only the times when you KNOW they are drowning and need your help.  We weren't physically drowning- yet.  But a few moments longer and the sun would have been down, and we would have been in very much trouble.

14) We often do not realize how much our actions - how we live "our life" - affects and effects others.  I still feel deep anguish and guilt for what this little "adventure" cost some of the people whom I admire and look up to.  I'm sorry.

15) I don't want to say this last one lightly, but hope you can feel the humble sincerity in this - We are human, and as humans will make mistakes.  Some greater than others.  Some longer lasting.  But gratefully - mercifully - there is a way to repent and turn back from our mistakes, and become better people, with knowledge from what we learned.  Sadly, we could have become greater without having to have that extra knowledge, sometimes.  But we keep trying.

There are many more lessons I am continuing to learn as I contemplate this experience and realize the parallels it has with other experiences in my life.  From such a great experience - and great has so many different meanings it can take - has sown many opportunities for me to learn and grow, and hopefully become a better person more capable of helping others.  Though it was incredibly exciting, and I have learned a lot, I am only beginning to realize the important lessons that were amazingly evident in this escapade.  I do not wish to describe it lightly, for certainly I can see it was not something to trifle with. Nor do I try to portray it as only a horrible, near-death experience.  My heartfelt desire is to share this with you, in hopes of conveying my uttermost sadness and guilt for forgetting for a moment who I was and what I should be doing, and trading it for "freedom and fun"...I don't think it was really worth it.  I hope that you can relate and gain knowledge and insight in your own life through reading this insanely long post, so you may be a better person, more able to help others.

More like a Coastguard, and not a stranded Sailboat in life.  But know, if you are the Sailboat....help is coming.  Open your eyes and look for it.  Help is there.

Love, Me.