Waves

Empty.

Emptiness inside.

Hollow, like an empty jug.

Indifference, little care for much of anything.

Tension. Rising frustration, anxious. Questioning, Hoping, Probing, Wondering-

Back.

Back to reality with a snap.

Realizing my ears have been turned off.

My mind tuned elsewhere.

Missing what's happening, what's been said.

So unsure. Where once I was, now I question.
Can so many things change, and both still be right?

What am I doing?  What and who do I want?

Questioning. Furrowed brow and worried chin.

Aching chest and squeezing heart.

Holding breath to quell the ache.

A thought, and butterflies run up my skin.

A shudder of pleasure, like a wave running through my body.

My heart skips and dances.  My thoughts leap.

I feel whole. I feel happy. And suddenly, I feel great.

Another thought, and I come crashing down through the glass floor agian.

Lying there amidst the shattered glass, dazed a bit.

Looking around me, brushing the pieces from myself.

Swallowing the fears.  Hiding the tears.

Hiding. Always hiding.

What I really want. Who I really am.

Hiding to protect.  To stay safe.

Hardly daring to open up, for fear of having to close again...

Back.  Back to reality.

Back to the floor, with glass around me, because of me.

I brush off my hands, lace up my shoes, get up on my feet,

And dance again.

Wondering.

Spinning.

Questioning.

Hoping.

Pausing.

Looking.

Nothing.

Locking.

Quiet.

Still.

Love, Me.