Have you ever had a toothbrush epiphany moment? One of those times where you're standing there brushing your teeth and look at yourself and suddenly you have a flash of understanding about something? Or my D&C teacher this past semester even talked about sometimes looking at yourself and just feeling like you don't quite measure up, and you think, "Man, I am just worthless". Sometimes situations in life can make you feel that way, and it stinks.
I have had both of those kinds of moments. But right now I want to talk about the epiphany I had about things I've gained from things I've missed.
To start off with, the one most recent. I was thinking about school and Spring Term, which is a lot of what I think about lately. I was thinking about how I didn't get a scholarship for Spring, and how at the time it seemed like a trial and not a blessing. It meant $1,140 for tuition and another couple hundred for books paid from my own pocket, plus saving for Fall and Winter tuition/books. Also, it meant not moving out this summer, as well as postponing the DC/NYC trip. Anyway. It was kind of sad for me. But, I realized that with a scholarship, I'd have to take that other class I'd dropped because it didn't feel right and too much. Because I didn't get a scholarship, I was able to make my schedule more manageable, get a partial refund, and pay only half of what I'd expected. Surprise blessing.
That character changing, somewhat heartbreaking experience a few months ago? I know a bit more of what I want, what I can do, and how to do it. Though it hasn't exactly been smooth sailing, I have traveled, and I believe others have too. The timing has also been impeccable. I just. Yeah. Wow. Blessing.
Not making it into the music program at BYU. At first one may seem to question the blessing here. This is what I wanted to do for years, and I'm pretty good at it, too (I'd like to think so). But- didn't make it. Because I didn't make it, I've been able to do this amazing School of Family Life program that I am completely in love and comfortable with, it's shorter than the 4-5 years I'd spend in the music program, I feel like I can use this to fit my tastes and lifestyle better, instead of forming myself to fit them- no offense, music teachers. But I've been able to see that what you wanted me to be and do is not what I am meant to. For others, yes, your program works. But for me, it won't be happening. Plus, I've had other job offers without completing your degree, and I have my own private teaching studio. Blessing? Yes.
Staying up late tonight to write this while waiting for my sister to come home, then being there to open the door because it's locked and she doesn't have a key. Though tired, something keeps me awake and up here. Blessing? Most definitely.
I'm still working on being grateful for being lonely, on having homework and school and for my arms hurting. I know that compared to the trials of those I know and love, these things are really trivial. But they do pertain to me, and thus are important to me. I can appreciate them and the reasons I can see- to a degree, but I still push those off to the side sometimes because I don't really appreciate having them. I'm working on it, but I think it's going to take a little more time for me to fully face these experiences as blessings.
So I guess the next time you're standing there brushing your teeth, take a moment to reflect and find blessings from your trials. As Cupcake and I have discovered, though it is often easier to wallow in self-pity, it is always better to count our blessings, such as spiritual, physical, emotional and any other growth that has occurred. These things are for our experience and good, right? I can't remember the reference on that one, but I know it's in the scriptures. Understanding and empathy for others. Appreciation for the things we have. Friends. Music. Laughter. Love. The Gospel. :) Mirrors, thoughts and toothbrushes to have these moments. So much to grow from and be grateful for. So much.
By the way, Happy Mother's Day. Love you, mom. :)
Love, Me.
I have had both of those kinds of moments. But right now I want to talk about the epiphany I had about things I've gained from things I've missed.
To start off with, the one most recent. I was thinking about school and Spring Term, which is a lot of what I think about lately. I was thinking about how I didn't get a scholarship for Spring, and how at the time it seemed like a trial and not a blessing. It meant $1,140 for tuition and another couple hundred for books paid from my own pocket, plus saving for Fall and Winter tuition/books. Also, it meant not moving out this summer, as well as postponing the DC/NYC trip. Anyway. It was kind of sad for me. But, I realized that with a scholarship, I'd have to take that other class I'd dropped because it didn't feel right and too much. Because I didn't get a scholarship, I was able to make my schedule more manageable, get a partial refund, and pay only half of what I'd expected. Surprise blessing.
That character changing, somewhat heartbreaking experience a few months ago? I know a bit more of what I want, what I can do, and how to do it. Though it hasn't exactly been smooth sailing, I have traveled, and I believe others have too. The timing has also been impeccable. I just. Yeah. Wow. Blessing.
Not making it into the music program at BYU. At first one may seem to question the blessing here. This is what I wanted to do for years, and I'm pretty good at it, too (I'd like to think so). But- didn't make it. Because I didn't make it, I've been able to do this amazing School of Family Life program that I am completely in love and comfortable with, it's shorter than the 4-5 years I'd spend in the music program, I feel like I can use this to fit my tastes and lifestyle better, instead of forming myself to fit them- no offense, music teachers. But I've been able to see that what you wanted me to be and do is not what I am meant to. For others, yes, your program works. But for me, it won't be happening. Plus, I've had other job offers without completing your degree, and I have my own private teaching studio. Blessing? Yes.
Staying up late tonight to write this while waiting for my sister to come home, then being there to open the door because it's locked and she doesn't have a key. Though tired, something keeps me awake and up here. Blessing? Most definitely.
I'm still working on being grateful for being lonely, on having homework and school and for my arms hurting. I know that compared to the trials of those I know and love, these things are really trivial. But they do pertain to me, and thus are important to me. I can appreciate them and the reasons I can see- to a degree, but I still push those off to the side sometimes because I don't really appreciate having them. I'm working on it, but I think it's going to take a little more time for me to fully face these experiences as blessings.
So I guess the next time you're standing there brushing your teeth, take a moment to reflect and find blessings from your trials. As Cupcake and I have discovered, though it is often easier to wallow in self-pity, it is always better to count our blessings, such as spiritual, physical, emotional and any other growth that has occurred. These things are for our experience and good, right? I can't remember the reference on that one, but I know it's in the scriptures. Understanding and empathy for others. Appreciation for the things we have. Friends. Music. Laughter. Love. The Gospel. :) Mirrors, thoughts and toothbrushes to have these moments. So much to grow from and be grateful for. So much.
By the way, Happy Mother's Day. Love you, mom. :)
Love, Me.
This is an amazing post; thanks for sharing! You referenced D&C 122:7, which is such a beautiful scripture.
ReplyDeleteI crave those epiphany moments. Mine usually come at about 11 pm when I'm about to go to bed, but maybe that's because I don't brush my teeth enough.
Wait...did I just admit that in public?
In closing, thank you for your inspiring words, especially because they directed my attention from facebook (where I found the link to your blog) to my scriptures, where I am now reading in the D&C. You are the best.
Love, Katie
Jenna, I have plenty of experience receiving blessings in disguise. For instance - I got called home from the MTC to serve with my military unit. At the same time my parents were struggling to make payments on my mother's cancer treatments. The extra income from me helped them when they needed it the most. Another - I applied for the master's program for ISYS but did not get accepted. Instead, I graduated this April, and now have the job that I was really hoping to get. If I would have been accepted, I would have missed the opportunity to get this job. This opening was unexpected, and now I'm all set.
ReplyDeleteMy life since high school has been one detour after another. I haven't planned any of them, and many of them went directly against what I was hoping to do. But I know that I've ended up where I need to be, and that the Lord is still directing my life. Whatever seems to go wrong in life, trust in Him. He knows what He's doing, even if we cannot see or understand His plan.
- Bernt