I Have Moved On

I know that I'm over you. I can walk down the street and smile when I think about you and where you are now. I don't lay awake for hours before falling asleep wondering where you are and why we're not together.

So why does something someone else do or say make my heart pound and my breath catch and my limbs freeze as I am trapped in a memory of you?

After a few moments I am freed from this grip of the past, and reality comes flowing back with the long, shallow breath I take and I close my eyes to wait for the dizziness to pass, and I wonder; Why does that happen? Am I really over you?

I have my answer a few moments later when breathing is restored to normal, and it doesn't pain to think about you, good times and bad. When it doesn't feel like my heart is being squeezed and wrenched unkindly from its place in my chest. When I'm not stopped in my tracks to bend doubled over from how hard it hurts. No tears come, though they wouldn't have.

And though for a moment I may be sad for what was seemingly lost...I look down the summery road, through the golden sunlit air and tree-lined walk, and watch you smile and hear you laugh and play...and find peace in being able to turn away.

And I know I have moved on.

Down my own road, through the tree-lined walk to a single maple tree overlooking a still pond, where grass grows as tall as your knees, and flowers bloom freely but without overabundance, where a single lark can be heard calling out his melody to be answered across the meadow by his friend. Where you can lay out at night and watch the stars glow in the sky as it turns, where you wish on the ones that fall from their places, where you can feel the warm breeze turn cool during the night, and smell the fresh air from a valley away. Where I wait without waiting, breathe without breathing, and grow without knowing. Someday someone will join me. So with peace, farewell to you. I am here, living in solace.

Solace I have been waiting a lifetime for, and found.

Love, Me.

Leap, Fly, Sing

Sitting quietly
Silently pondering
on things of the Future,
Present
and Past.

Sorting through feelings,
Re-running memories,
Filing
and Feeling
and Thinking.
Of what?

Everything.
And Nothing.
This, and that. Here,
and Tomorrow.
Back and Then,

Over and over,
New once again.
Repeating,
Echoing,
Silent. Again...

I'm back where I sat.
Invisibly seen.
Quietly conscious of what
this Could mean.

Rhyming on some.
Telling on others.
Content and I Wonder.
Where does the time go?

I forget it's December.
I hear whisp'rings of Spring.
I want to go Running,
or Flying,
or sing.

Something. . .
Something.

Inside me it's Spring.


Love, Me.

This is the view...

...in my room.

Jealous?

I'd be surprised if you weren't. ;)

This has been my summer-long project. My good friend Maestro and I started this at the end of June, with ideas and practice sketches and paintings on paper, collaborating ideas in May, and putting the first strokes on in June. 

We started with the grass and a dark base coat on the oak (?) tree. The "shadows" you see of the branches are leftover paint I had from painting the rest of my room the light blue you see on the left.  This took a couple hours.

This stayed for a while as both of us traveled during July, then at the beginning of August, Maestro's sister Skipper joined us and we got this done:

The two outside trees are aspens, with a dark blue/black base coat.

Skipper did the mountains and...trees? Plus great technical support. ;)

That's us and the wall after a few hours of work...and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix paying on the laptop in the foreground...in case you were wondering. ;)

Rock. And grass. and flowers. :)

Maestro. ;) She did the trees, mountain texture, field texture, and flowers. And probably some sky.

Who knew I could have something like this? ;) I did basics- grass, sky, and supplied the wall.

After 5 hours of painting on Monday, we were done. :)

I learned a lot doing this. How to have a different kind of patience, how to blend things, I got to see another style, and experienced more boldness that turned out to be the greatest masterpiece of a painting that I could hope for. We may add leaves later on, but for now...I like my view. :) Thanks to all the lovely ladies who helped with this project: Mom, Maestro, Skipper, Martha Stuart for your paint, and families....  Maestro was phenomenal during all of this. She'd take my ideas in and understand my vision, then paint something I never knew we could. I'd be like, "Maes, I know blue and yellow makes green. But I'm getting grey! Help!" and she'd make green. I'd say "Can we add flowers?" and ka-ZAM there were flowers. Thanks, Maes, you're a lifesaver, and a great friend. :)

Basically, I love this. It's turned out even more amazing than I could have ever dreamed of doing on my own. And it's taken a lot more time than I thought it would....which is why we faded out the rest of the wall. If we want to add on in the future, I'm sure we could. For now, though, I've had a good time, and have lots to show for it.  By the way, for those who know where Arco is, does the mountain remind you of anything as you're driving from the Junction to Arco? I think it does. ;)

Sometimes adventure doesn't have to leave your home. :)

Love, Me.