My Favorite View

Glittering lights

A fallen constellation from the sky.

Housing a hundred thousand souls, shining in the moonlight.  A hundred thousand wishes to make.  A hundred million breaths to keep.

Laid out like a blanket from the heavens.

A cluster of shooting stars follow a path made just for them.  Some close to home.  Some with far to travel.

I sit alone, up here watching.  Gazing at my valley constellation.  A blessing of a view when there's none in the sky.  A beauty in the eye of the beholder.

Some lights shine out over the lake.  Their echo seen across the surface.  Some spell out words too faint and distant to see.  Some spell not at all - just a beacon to let the world know they are there.

Some lights house sadness, some joy.  Some shine brightly while others- a bare glow.  The frosty air descends and a hush falls over the city.  A city of lights.

A world upside-down.  Lights on the ground instead of the head.  Close your eyes tightly and keep your breath held.  Turn slightly and let your breath sigh...as you leave your thoughts many to the One in the sky.

A thousand glittering lights lay below, and I am up here, with no wish to go.  For once I leave I must find my place and where to go.  So before I leave I catch and see the first set of starlight from the heavens.  Shining softly in the sky, housing millions more than mine.  A simple elegance that can't compare.  I suppose a hope is found up there.

Twinkling starlights in the night - bring me home safe, I pray, tonight.

Love, Me.

Lessons I Learned While Sailing...

So a few nights ago for a ward activity we went sailing on Utah Lake in Provo.  At first there was pretty much no wind, hardly a breeze, so we paddled around and splashed each other to our hearts content, came back to shore to dock and have treats (Happy birthday, Brave), then all got excited when we saw some of our group out on the water - Sailing.  Not just floating around, but real life, honest to goodness, caught a breeze and they were sailing.

So I jumped into a boat with two others (Captain and Length) and we were off, first going around the little harbor and getting the hang of the controls.  Captain was at the bow, directing the sails and pretty much being a captain, Length was in the middle counterbalancing our weight and using the paddle when needed, and doing whatever else was needed, and I was steering at the stern.  I'm not sure what the right word is that I'm looking for here, but I think it was giddily we made our way out of the smaller area into another harbor about twice its size.

Lesson #1) We get excited once we get the hang of things and want to do them more, in larger areas.  Doesn't matter if we're really good or still learning, we want to know more.

The wind really kicked up out here, and a few "woo-hoo's" and "Man this is great, I LOVE sailing!'s" later, we decided that we wanted to and were ready to go out farther.

I'm going to pause telling this story and give another personal insight here, you can call it Lesson #2 or Mistake #1 or leave it be, whichever is fine with me.  But although we had the "hang of things", we obviously weren't ready for this, but lack of experience didn't seem to matter to us, as our desires took over and we just wanted to do this, so we did.  I've found that happens a lot in life, sadly to me as well as others.  I'll just want to stay up late, or keep playing, and sometimes ignore that small, quiet voice that has more knowledge than I'll ever have saying that I shouldn't do it.  Sometimes the consequences aren't as bad, like being tired the next day or getting to play longer, but having to work on homework longer into the night, but sometimes the consequences can actually be bad - really bad.  If you go to far into something you shouldn't, you hold your breath longer than healthy, you wear clothing "just on the edge" a little too often....and you find yourself beyond the safety of the harbor, and deeper in waves.

Which is exactly where we found ourselves.  It was fun at first (Okay, I'll admit. It was amazing and full of adventure the whole time for me), but then the wind picked up and we sailed farther out than we had anticipated, and in a small, strange moment, I looked around and noticed we were the only ones out on the lake.  Where there had been several other boats out, (and then I did notice two other boats across the lake, but they were by the shore), suddenly however, we were alone. That's when that little voice started a few thoughts and "lightbulb moments" in my head and that voice of concern piped up again.  The thought, "The experienced boaters (who surely would be capable out here) have gone into the safety of the harbor, because they know what's right and safe, and don't want to play with this...maybe we should too."  But the water which lapped up and down and created the illusion of the ground being alive was exciting to me, and the sun was setting behind the mountain across the lake, and I thought, "Man this is beautiful.  I love it out here, this is new and exciting...and so fun."  Then we saw another sailboat from our group venturing out towards us, and after a few moments, tipped and capsized.  We took down our sail, paddled over to them (it took a while), and helped them get their sail up again (after they flipped their boat right-side up), and then decided, maybe we should go back now.  Only, we couldn't.

Now, by this point, we'd already had two men on seadoos come and ask if we needed any help (quite honestly, I wasn't sure how they would be able to tow us, which shows how much I know), a few motorboats had come by (One asking "Do you need assistance?" - which was obviously not a question, but an expert's eye saying we needed some, but being respectful of the pride aboard our little boat, offered it with the slight chance that we could get to shore ourselves. We're independent, see.) But of course, we would say back that thank you, but we were fine, and keep trying to figure out what we were doing and how to get back without tipping ourselves out in the boisterous waves.

This reminded me of a couple of stories. One of the man who heard a flood was coming, knelt down to pray that he would be saved, and then ignored the offers from his neighbors to come away with him, as well as the lifeboats sent out in the storm, and the helicopter when he was on his roof.  Come to find out (after he had died) that those people had been sent by the Lord to save him, he just didn't recognize it.  Now, thankfully we didn't die. But really, we should have taken the first offer for help, pride or no pride, experience or no experience.  Stupid, stubborn independent young adults.

The second story is one that we've heard a couple of times, most recently heard by my Bishop in church.  He  described three types of boats to us- 

The first a sailboat that goes out in fair weather but comes in when it gets rough. And if you notice, when you look up "sailboat" on Google Images, the only pictures you see are sunny, calm ones. 

The second a loading barge (the official name escapes me) that can carry thousands of pounds of goods from place to place, but it has to be towed around to do it. 


The third and final boat - a Coastguard Cutter. These solid, massive boats go out whenever needed, even or especially in tempestuous waves and the blackest of conditions at night, and save whoever needs saving.  Now the analogy and question - what kind of boat are we, and what kind should we be?  The Sailboat is someone who goes out and does good when the weather (timing) is right for them, but as soon as it gets hard they come back in.  The barge has to be pushed and pulled to do anything.  But the Coastguard Cutter leaps into action whenever needed.  I have wanted to be a Coastguard Cutter.  I want to be the kind of person described as Nephi - going and doing, even when it was hard.  Especially when it was hard.  Someone to be counted on, that you know will do what's right in the face of whatever they are presented with, not just because it was their duty, but their honor: it's who they are.  

And I let myself, and everyone I was with, down.

There's some words I can feel the taste of as I relate this story.  Defeat.  Distaste.  Guilt.  Disappointment.  Sorrow.  Hardest of all is knowing I did not do my duty, in the time of action when it was needed most, I did not do it, and the disappointment must be pretty hard to match on both sides.

Back to the story.  We'd taken our sail down and had tried to bring it back up again.  The wind was blowing angrily in our faces, the waves gathering and pushing us farther from shore.  Our best hope, we decided was to turn into the wind so that our sail wouldn't carry us away, and keep pushing forward.  These thoughts kept going through my mind that I've explained, and every now and then I'd sneak a peek at the sun setting behind the mountain.  I knew it was close to 8, when we were supposed to be done, and we were still struggling to make it back.  Still, amazingly, our spirits weren't dampened (though our physical attire certainly was), and though the earlier 'excitement' we had felt was diminishing, I personally wasn't afraid.  Let me explain that.  There are certain levels of fear you can experience - butterflies with a crush or getting up to speak in front of people, alarm/startled surprise when someone scares you, worry, tenseness, concern, heart pounding/cold hands/dry mouth/heart-in-your-stomach feelings, and utter and complete fear where you are scared for safety and you can't think straight.  I wasn't that last one, although unfortunately, I have learned that there were some that were experiencing that, to whom I am deeply and terribly sorry.  I knew we weren't "safe", but somehow I was calm and felt like everything would be okay.

Eventually we saw the sail of the instructor, as he came out to try and help steer us back.  However, no matter how much we tried, we didn't, and finally he called to us, "You are making no progress; get them to tow you!"  Yep, we agreed.  We definitely need help. So our kind saviors tossed us a line to our dinghy as they said and towed us back, where we met the worried faces of those who stayed from our group.

A few more lessons and insights, in order as they come.

3) We may know a lot, but we often don't know enough.

4) There are many times in our life where we venture out past the safety of the harbor, so to speak.  We ignore that thought that enters in and says it's not safe, and do what we want, assuming we are completely capable.   When in fact we aren't, stubborn pride keeps us going when we would be better off coming in.

5) There are more chances to come back than we know.  The first option is ours when we make decisions, and it surprises me how quickly the others can come.  Those men on the seadoos were our second warning flag/chance, just like the man in the story who prayed to be saved from the flood, but was blind to the chances given him.  

6) We should have gone back. We should have gone back.  Just like sin in our life, we shouldn't have gone in the first place, no matter what experiences we thought we could have had or things to have learned, the venture shouldn't have been made in the first place.  But even when we're "lost", there are plenty of opportunities to turn back....and we could get out of our situation faster.  True, there will likely be consequences when we do, but they seem to become more severe the longer we stay.

7) Bad things can happen, even to those who are "innocent".  Our friends likely didn't know either that it was so dangerous, or that they would lose control and flip.  Like anyone else, they probably thought they were fine, that they were strong enough, they wouldn't give in........but like everyone else....they fell.  Even the strongest man will weaken when beaten upon, if he is not standing where he is supposed to.

8) You may just be going "a little ways in", but soon you will find yourself surrounded by whatever you have entered, to the next degree.  You will.  Unless you turn a full 180* and flee without looking back, like Joseph of Egypt, you will be caught, and find yourself surrounded by either literal or metaphorical waves that are trying their best to toss you off your feet.

9) The clutches of the world can be quick and grip you fast.  And man, you can be enjoying yourself and where you're at before you realize it. 

10) It looks calm and appealing and doable and safe from anywhere of 100-1 foot away.  It's a trap.  It is tempting on purpose, and there are railings, rules and guidelines For A Reason!!

11) You really are happiest living within the rules and guidelines set up by those leaders who have experience.  I've "tried it" - you sail out where it looks fun, (ex. some may go out late, or wear clothing very close to a fine line), but you get there and realize......it's not.  It's dangerous.  You aren't You.  And you may not be able to get out of the grip of this vice on your own.

12) There are saviors in this life.  Our own that night on the boat with the capable motor that enabled them not only to help themselves, but rescue those who need it.  They exemplify the great Savior who atoned for our sins and allowed the way for us to heal, repent and return to our Father in Heaven.  He is the one who comes and reaches for us and saves us from where we are, and brings us back to safe

13) Sometimes you need to save without asking permission.  Pull people out of their lost state, back to the harbor and take care of their needs because you know they need it.  I'm not saying to do this every time, but only the times when you KNOW they are drowning and need your help.  We weren't physically drowning- yet.  But a few moments longer and the sun would have been down, and we would have been in very much trouble.

14) We often do not realize how much our actions - how we live "our life" - affects and effects others.  I still feel deep anguish and guilt for what this little "adventure" cost some of the people whom I admire and look up to.  I'm sorry.

15) I don't want to say this last one lightly, but hope you can feel the humble sincerity in this - We are human, and as humans will make mistakes.  Some greater than others.  Some longer lasting.  But gratefully - mercifully - there is a way to repent and turn back from our mistakes, and become better people, with knowledge from what we learned.  Sadly, we could have become greater without having to have that extra knowledge, sometimes.  But we keep trying.

There are many more lessons I am continuing to learn as I contemplate this experience and realize the parallels it has with other experiences in my life.  From such a great experience - and great has so many different meanings it can take - has sown many opportunities for me to learn and grow, and hopefully become a better person more capable of helping others.  Though it was incredibly exciting, and I have learned a lot, I am only beginning to realize the important lessons that were amazingly evident in this escapade.  I do not wish to describe it lightly, for certainly I can see it was not something to trifle with. Nor do I try to portray it as only a horrible, near-death experience.  My heartfelt desire is to share this with you, in hopes of conveying my uttermost sadness and guilt for forgetting for a moment who I was and what I should be doing, and trading it for "freedom and fun"...I don't think it was really worth it.  I hope that you can relate and gain knowledge and insight in your own life through reading this insanely long post, so you may be a better person, more able to help others.

More like a Coastguard, and not a stranded Sailboat in life.  But know, if you are the Sailboat....help is coming.  Open your eyes and look for it.  Help is there.

Love, Me.

I Have Moved On

I know that I'm over you. I can walk down the street and smile when I think about you and where you are now. I don't lay awake for hours before falling asleep wondering where you are and why we're not together.

So why does something someone else do or say make my heart pound and my breath catch and my limbs freeze as I am trapped in a memory of you?

After a few moments I am freed from this grip of the past, and reality comes flowing back with the long, shallow breath I take and I close my eyes to wait for the dizziness to pass, and I wonder; Why does that happen? Am I really over you?

I have my answer a few moments later when breathing is restored to normal, and it doesn't pain to think about you, good times and bad. When it doesn't feel like my heart is being squeezed and wrenched unkindly from its place in my chest. When I'm not stopped in my tracks to bend doubled over from how hard it hurts. No tears come, though they wouldn't have.

And though for a moment I may be sad for what was seemingly lost...I look down the summery road, through the golden sunlit air and tree-lined walk, and watch you smile and hear you laugh and play...and find peace in being able to turn away.

And I know I have moved on.

Down my own road, through the tree-lined walk to a single maple tree overlooking a still pond, where grass grows as tall as your knees, and flowers bloom freely but without overabundance, where a single lark can be heard calling out his melody to be answered across the meadow by his friend. Where you can lay out at night and watch the stars glow in the sky as it turns, where you wish on the ones that fall from their places, where you can feel the warm breeze turn cool during the night, and smell the fresh air from a valley away. Where I wait without waiting, breathe without breathing, and grow without knowing. Someday someone will join me. So with peace, farewell to you. I am here, living in solace.

Solace I have been waiting a lifetime for, and found.

Love, Me.

The most beautiful place on earth...

...and I get to live here for the next few days.

Idaho is amazing. I am absolutely in love with it, and have been since I was born.  I'm up here on the "King Farm" in Moore...a town outside of Arco and Lost River...where the famous King Mountain is that hang-gliders lift off of.  The sunsets are spectacular, the air is clear, the weather wonderful...and up here, you can understand the phrase in America the Beautiful: Amber waves of grain. Truly, beauty in one of it's best forms.

Tuesday I had a neat experience. Backing up, I went to the Single's Branch with three of my boy cousins, and the oldest of the three said he was going to do Baptisms for the Dead with the youth of the Arco ward.  So I got to ride with him, and do some family names, and go inside the Idaho Falls Temple for the first time.  Wow. So beautiful. They're doing construction work outside on the Temple grounds, but I got some good pictures of the Temple itself...and the falls across the street were magnificent.  Tristan said they were especially pretty when they had rocks at the edge of the falls, but still, I thought they were nice.

 

I drove my little brother on the three-wheeler over to the river down the ways, and we waded in it for a while on Monday.  The water was cold...but you didn't notice after a while. ;) We did manage to lose one of his sandals, and despite our best efforts to retrieve it...nada... Oops. :P BUT!!! We went back yesterday, and it had gone down some, and we found it stuck on a piece of wood! Hallelujah! :)

This place has completely taken my heart...I wonder how I'll be able to return to home in Utah on Monday. :-/  I love Orem, and the people and where we live...but I can't seem to get over how this place is.  I've seriously thought about living up here in a few years when I'm older and perhaps out of college...course, I could always transfer to BYU-I. Right? Eh... Not completely sure. I guess I'm just loving this change of pace.  This scenery.  The love of family and friends that is up here.  Something.  Blogger has been frustrating me for the past few minutes, as I've tried to add a few more pictures a few days after I first posted this.  I had things ready, we stopped to get lunch, and I came back and my tumbdrive wasn't working, and my post had been deleted. (Gah!!) Thank goodness for ctrl-Z. :P Anyhow, here's the updated version. :)

...Here's some more pictures.

When Nathan and I went over to the river yesterday, we'd planned on coming home after about an hour. Nice amount of time to get a nice little tan, right? Well, then our family came, and we stayed for another couple of hours. I'd gotten sunscreen on before we went...but you can see how that went. This is how I am now...semi-red on the arms, and red and white on the top. :P

We went out to take some updated pictures for grandma's wall...but the wind was blowing, so we'll probably wait until later tonight. We got these this afternoon.

These are some evening shots of the farm...

This one is my favorite right now. :)

Utah is definitely good. But it's nice to know that I can always call Idaho Home. :)

Love, Me.

The Girl and the Sky

Once there was a Girl thinking of a friend. She thought and She loved so much that She created a flower, one of great beauty and sweet smell. It's orange petals sang so sweetly in the breeze, that She created another flower, and called it Red, for the fragrence of apples was so strong it turned the leaves to fruit. Delighted in Her creations, She was compelled to create more beauties; spinning yellows, pale blues, vibrant purples, tender greens, and more.

 

The Sky became captivated by Her creations, and shone brightly on her precious flowers. He noticed Her tears as She beheld Winter approaching, where Her precious colors would be put away for a time. The Sky asked for a blessing of Her graceful beauty, to hold in His care when the world saw Her beauties, and to show when it forgot. So the Girl took some of Her best creations; the reds, pinks, orange, yellows, blues, purples and so many more colors, and held them dearly to Her chest. When She opened Her arms, the breeze caught the creations and carried them to the Sky, where they are put on display for a short time, to remind us of the beauties from Earth. The Girl looked up to the heavens and found Her colors in beautiful array, and smiled.

The Girl grew old, and one day no longer walked the long roads lined with Her colors. The Sky searched all over for Her, but could not find Her, for She was buried beneath an expanse of Red, Orange, Blue, Purple, Green, and Yellow. When He realized this fate, the Sky pulled a blanket of clouds over His face, and cried out great cascades of rain for His Friend. With amazement, the Sky found that with each drop of water, the flowers grew stronger. The Rain came softer, gentler, easing into a mist. The Sky eased His face out with the Sun, and wished for a way to honor. She was the most beautiful and gracious of all, and deserved beauty.  So as a tribute to the Girl, the Sky let down some of the colors She had given Him in the best ribbon He had- a Rainbow. As the sparkling light touched the ground, the Earth sang with a flutter of bird's wings, rustle of tree leaves, and sigh of flower's petals, and joy was forever known throughout the land.

Every so often you can see the story of the Sky and the Girl.  Every so often you can hear the laughter and see the joy that was shared.  And ever so sweetly, You may yet be able to see the pathway of the Rainbow that the Girl took on Her way from the Earth to the Sky.

All because a Girl thought of a friend.

"What's life without a dream?" -Joey Cannon

Love, Me.

It is...That is, Life...

Grow is the song of the young aspen tree,
Paint is the joy found in art.
Hear is the tune sung in bird's melodies,
Sing is the full body's part.

Learn is the will of a young child's mind,
See is the view of the Mount.
Feel is the sound that the pianist brings,
Peace is the strings of guitar.

Cry is the pain that all tragedy knows,
Laugh is the healing inside.
Know is the look from a wise man's mind,
Care is the hug from mankind.

Run is the release of a child at play,
Walk is the talk of the friend.
Swing is the call of the tree with a rope;
Fly is the song of the heart.

Write is the soul of the woman who thinks,
Show is the meaning of truth.
Smile is the knowledge of some greater meaning,
Love is the meaning of life.

Love, Me.

This, is Home.

Tonight I drove up Cascade Drive.
Not for any reason, except maybe the view.
It's beautiful...
I sat on this rock, where I am now,
Silent.  Not thinking.  Just letting my mind wander,
roam where it pleases in the open area.
Warm.  The rock is warm, and friendly, almost.
The air is cool, yet the wind is warm, and flows
around, like my mind.  Home, it says.
Dark purple mountains, outlined in orange light.
Water is silent, peaceful, undisturbed tonight.
I breathe in the smell of Utah.  Of the hills
by where I live.  I came here on a whim, so
what comfort am I seeking?


That of the Wind.


As I write it grows stronger, and recognizes.
Some say nature is silent.  I disagree.
You just have to listen for a language not of your own.
You have to listen with something
other than your ears to hear...
The Voice of the Wind.  The Tales of the Sea. 
The Whisperings of the Grass...the Comfort of
a Rock.
Beauty.   Simply....beauty....


This is earth.


This, is Home. :)
8:35pm-8:45pm

Love, Me.

A Walk With Nature

A walk down the road
I had seen such a treat
Nature helped to unload
Some of life's great feats.

The wind whipped around me
A chorus of glee;
I was already home
Where I needed to be.

The tree reached out softly
And placed on my cheek
A peck of dear kindness,
A hug of sweet peace.

The roses sang out
In their own special song
And filled my nose
With a sweet smelling throng.

The rain when it came
Fell upon me like wishes
And each of those drops
Felt like tender sweet kisses.

The sky, how it danced
And put on a display
Of thunder and lightning
And rain on the way.

I walk up my path,
My shoes in my hand, now
My soul is at rest
From my walk home with Nature.

August End Weather

So, I don't know about you, but I think we've been having some amazing weather phenomenons happening in this wonderful month of August. ;)  This past Sunday being the First, I'm going to include photos from there as well.

So I'm sitting and writing in my journal Sunday afternoon, and look outside and it looks like everything is in sepiatone, or something, the color was AMAZING!!! I went outside and walked into this

and this

Everything had a yellowish tint to it, it was amazing!!  This is looking directly up into the sky:

Those are the real colors!!  And as you looked towards the west...

Same sky!! Towards the northeast...

(Above) The first one's right at first, the seconds a few minutes later.

Again, the northwest.  So, as I walked out of my North-facing home, look up, it's yellow.  Everything around me is in a yellow tone, like I said before.  Northwest is above, and to the northeast, it gets darker.  Completely east is a midnight blue, I can't find any pictures of that, but here's the farthest east I have.

And the Kings took a walk around the block. :)

 Sherbet, anyone? ;)

So that was that night. :D

Yesterday I was woken up at 5:26am by a bright flash of lightning followed by a crack of thunder being opened across the sky morning of the fourth, yesterday.  After several repetitions of that occurance, I decided that as long as I was awake, I'd just go upstairs and watch for a little while.  And I finally captured my first lightning. :D

I haven't cropped it yet, but there she is.

And...after the first bite, I went outside on my porch and took more. :D Hee. ;)

Yes, the houses are a little blurred, but I got it, nonetheless.  And some more... :)

I was basically in heaven. ;) Well, enjoying watching the sky converse, anyhow.  It was a great day...Rain for more than seven seconds, Lightning and Thunder, and as always, the Wind. I love the Wind. :)  But, as time goes on, I'm loving nature and seeing the Perfection in Nature more and more.  It helps. ;)

Anyhow, I mostly wanted to share the lightning, and if you didn't appreciate or see the Sunday night show in the sky.........

....boy, you missed out!! ;)

Much love to all,

Love, Me.