That Lonely Walk

Learn to walk that lonely road.
Learn to sing that song alone.
Find your path next to no one,
Learn to walk that lonely road.

Keep your thoughts just to yourself.
Keep those wishes dear in range,
Try that smile, don't matter fear,
Keep your hopes inside of here.

Forget the sound of sweet harmony.
Forget the bliss of being free.
Face the road and icy glare;
Forget the past; you can't stay there.

Leave the heartache and worried fear.
Leave the pain from letting near.
Go your way with thoughts inclined, to
Leave the sound of voices twined.

Let no anger rise within.
Let no frustrations grow or pound.
Put up that face of bravery,
Let only strength be seen from me.

Know that this pain will someday pass.
Know that I knew this time could come.
Perhaps 'twas never meant to be,
Know yet there's still pain in store for me.

Get used to turning away.
Get no hopes or intentions.
Realize someday will be okay, and
Get back to the former way.

Give all you can for everyone else.
Give no thought for yourself.
Quell the hate and hurt and fears,
Give no place for pain-filled tears.

Learn to walk that lonely road.
Learn to re-love being yourself.
Apart from what you had, take your load, ...and
Learn to walk that lonely road, alone.














Inspired by: "Lonesome Road" The King Singers, "Learn to be Lonely" Phantom of the Opera, Life.

Love, Me.

-Written 10/19/2012

Announcements (No, not the kind you're thinking of)

Every once in a while I find myself sitting at my desk trying to do homework, but alas, 'tis to no avail.  It's usually those times when I either go looking for a snack, waste time on my computer, stare at my planner indefinitely, daydream, or blog.  Occasionally I do more than one at a time.

Tonight's random mumble of words comes from something I call Serendipity, which as shared by Cupcake is "finding something good without looking for it".  This can be in convincing your teacher to make your in-class midterm a take home due by the end of Friday, in walking barefoot in the drizzle of rain, or discovering yourself suddenly in the midst of love.  All very good things.

I've learned something in the past few weeks.  About love, and hardship, trust, honesty, hate, dedication, homework, and trials.  My status on Facebook last week read:

"This Week, conquered:
-9 papers, six due Tuesday.
-2 tests, because I decided to wait til Monday for the last one.
-350 pages of reading
-2 class presentation competitions
-Emotional days
and organizing Visiting Teaching. What now. I can do hard things.

All with less than 20 hours of sleep for the week. Yeah baby! It can only get better with General Conference this weekend!!! :)"

Yes, it is true.  Last week was one that I had serious doubts about surviving, but after Monday and all its hardships conquered, I realized I could do it, and the rest of the week, though hard, was bearable.  I'm realizing with each passing week that, yes last week was hard, but this next week is what's really going to be a challenge.

You know, I got on here with a specific purpose, but I can't remember for the life of me what that was.

Oh yes. Now I remember. General Conference was amazing, and the talks were centered very carefully around the questions and concerns I've had.  A lot about families, overcoming trials, and staying converted.  It will be great.  Also, this conference was monumental with the announcement that President Monson gave in the Saturday Morning Session about missionary work - young men can serve missions at 18 and young women at 19 if they so desire!!!!!!!!!!!  This is incredible!!! Usually, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints send young men out at the age of 19 and young women at 21 to be missionaries that spread the gospel and Christlike love and service to the world.  This OPTION is in hopes of bringing more people to the true knowledge of Christ and to help them know that He lives and is an influence in our lives.  This announcement will not only allow many more individuals to serve, but more to serve together.  I admit, while everyone is talking about RM (Returned Missionaries) dating experiences, changes in families, in school decisions, in life really, my first thought was - "Now boyfriends and girlfriends can serve at about the same time".  Crazy, huh?

With this great announcement, and the fact that I'm 20 and therefore "eligible", I had some thinking to do.  It took me about 10 slack-jawed, smile-starting seconds of my life to let this sink in, and while the second phase of excitement and implications set in, I considered it.  I haven't been planning on serving, what with Keys coming back in less than 9 months, and I'm in school, and have the calling and blessing of being Relief Society President.  That, and other reasons (aka boys).  Though I would confirm this a few days later in the temple as a request rather than question, my answer is still the same, and my decision firm.  I don't know why I need to announce it to the world, but just so you know, I'm not planning on serving a mission at this time.  In communicating, I made it clear that if it was His will that I would go, but if it was okay if I continued with my plans, would that be okay? - The answer was yes, and unless I get the huge urge to go, I'll wait until I can serve abroad with my husband.  I figure I can do a lot of good here, and someone needs to be around to date the poor boys with half of their dating prospects on missions. ;)

Kidding.

Mostly.  Anyway.  Life is busy, to the extreme.  Life is good.  Hard.  Tiring.  But, as I'm finding out- doable. For now, I'm going to bed.  Sweet dreams, world of wonder,

Love, Me.

It's Been Seven Years

Well, I wouldn't normally be posting frequently as I have been except for the fact that there are always anomalies in the universe, or events that would logically be the catalyst for me sitting here and typing about it.  Right now is something that I post about every year on or around the anniversary of a special time for me, which conveniently is today.

It's been seven years today.

I can't even hardly say it, it's so astounding to me- both that it's been so long and yet, not that long ago. I've blogged about it here and here, but in case you are not one of those people to click links, I'll tell you a bit.

Seven years ago I was so sick and dehydrated that my amazing doctor couldn't get a blood pressure from me.  A half hour later at Utah Valley Hospital, the nurses were changing shifts and trying to find ANY vein to get an IV in.  One finally got in my left hand, but unfortunately (but actually, fortunately) I wasn't having a diabetic reaction, so the insulin they gave me wasn't that good.  The line in my right arm got pulled out by accident when the nurse's glove got taped down and she turned to get something.  She almost cried.

I remember getting in a wheelchair, and into a bed.  Suddenly I remember being in another room, a bigger one right next to the nurse's station.  A higher intensive care room.  I remember chest pain, or, at least, that's what I remember from what my mom tells me.  Results from a heart monitor showed something similar to a heart attack, which the cardiologist who happened to be there at 10:00 that night (on the one night a week she went to UVRMC) was able to diagnose and order the Life Flight team to take me to Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake.  All I could think was, "If this is my appendix like someone said 10 minutes ago, why can't they take it out here?  Heart Buddy (my best friend growing up) had to be life flighted, too, for her heart..." I can't even begin to imagine the devastating horror my parents must have been experiencing at this time, watching 15 doctors and nurses rush in and out of my room, tension rising by the second with each new failure we encountered.

That ride was by far the loudest and most painful ride I have yet encountered in my life.  But, another small miracle; the medicine I was given to make me sleep didn't take effect until after I had been in the Emergency Room in Salt Lake.  Normally out after 10-15 seconds, I lasted for about 15 minutes, a miracle we were told by the Life Flight nurse kept me alive.  I am forever indebted to her and the rest of the incredible (though  incredible is not quite appropriate enough a word) individuals who worked with everything they had to keep me alive.  And I don't even know her name to thank her.

Cardiac arrest is an interesting phenomenon.  Though in itself it is relatively painless, the events leading up and following were excruciating.  I awoke several times to doctors shouting my name, and an electrifying, screaming bolt of electricity would course through my body making it jump several inches off the table.  I would start running through the routine that they'd know I knew who I was still; "My name is Jenna King, I am 13 years old, I go to Dixon Middle School, my parents are Carson and...Susan..King, I-" and then my heart would stop again.  Sometimes when I woke up I would feel bad for causing so much trouble, and an "I'm sorry" would whimper out.  But mostly I said it hoping they'd get the hint.  I just wanted someone to say they were sorry for me.

Eventually unconsciousness took over and the next few days on life support are a blur to me, thanks to the medication.  Time was irrelevant, painfully long and yet preciously short as results would come back progressively worse with each one.  A ventilator took over breathing, since I wasn't doing it on my own.  A pacemaker so they didn't have to have to use the defibrillator would shock my heart every time it would stop (scar on my neck). What felt like millions of lines and devices plugged all over my body, and daily X-rays to show that my heart was twice the size it should have been.  Echocardiograms, EKG's, tests, saline, suction, imminent surgeries, worry.....and about a 10-17% estimated chance of surviving through one more night.

Then comes the time where you have done literally everything you can do, you have worked your hardest, tried all of your options, and you reach the end of your line, and have to sink down with your head in your hands, and painfully, tearfully admit that you cannot do anything else, and your best has not been sufficient.  In that moment, you are the blessed individual to experience the Atonement in your life as Heavenly Father steps in and figuratively parts the Red Sea - does the impossible.  He held my life in suspense, hovering just barely above the "line" where I would have to have surgery, or wouldn't make it.  Then, through the faith and prayers and fasting and tears of so many individuals, and His miraculous love and mercy, He blessed and allowed me to get better.

13 days after I entered, I was wheeled out of Primary Children's with astounding progress.  True, my heart was still swollen and leaking badly, my arms were bruised green and purple and red all up and down from the IV's, I was 5'8" (current height) and weighed 122 lbs, I couldn't walk far without needing a rest, but I was alive.  This trial that came to me and influenced myself and my family in the form of a virus called Myocarditis has shaped me and given me direction and a duty to become who I am today.  I suppose with this amazing experience that happened to me, I pledged my life to be someone who did things for other people and gave of myself not just because it was a good thing to do, but it was the right thing for me to do.  Sort of like a mission or calling or contract I have, to do and be an agent in the Lord's hands.  The conditions to continue living required I hand my plans over to the Lord and continue with His approvals, and make changes as He makes notes in my "Life Planner". It has resulted in a major change (haha) - from Music Ed, though helpful and satisfying I'm sure it could have been, to Family Studies at BYU.  To let go of some dreams and find place for others.  To learn that I loved taking care of and serving others more than anything else.  To direct my focus on Him.




It's been a long road.  So many things have happened and changed -of which I am grateful for- and in many ways I have grown.  Too many to be named here.  Also, not everyone's story turns out like mine.  Sometimes we give all we can, and the Lord still says, "Not this time".  Your faith might be stronger than mine.  Your circumstances and needs greater, and yet, for a test of your faith, you hear "Not yet".  My question for you is- can you still stand strong and resolute as if you had received a "Yes"?

This hasn't been the most detailed version of the experience I've told, but for today, I've shared what I deemed necessary.  Just letting the world know that I have risen from an event seven years ago that had the great potential to stop me in my tracks.  But of course, I'm stubborn and strong willed, but most of all extremely blessed.  Now I just hope that with this, I'm doing what I should be.  It's been seven years, and a great journey, for sure, filled with light, learning, laughter, love, music, joy, pain, sorrow, disappointment, happiness, gratitude, and more.  I'm glad He's in charge.

Love, Me.

Ps. School's started this week. I'm a Junior. Homework's crazy. But hopefully, it'll be good.

Yeah, it will be. :)

Sometimes Life is Hard

I have a problem.  School starts in 11 days, and I'm enjoying my summer too much to want to go back.  I know school is good, but.........it's been a nice break. ;)

Also, I'm super tired lately.  Doing a lot during the days, playing, cleaning, prepping, Relief Society, and staying up too late typically results in me semi-crashing halfway through the day, usually at this time, between 2:30 and 3:30.  The obvious solution is to go to bed earlier, or take a nap, right?  Except I don't usually do either.

So it's my fault. Also, this week's been hard.  Hard news, rough days, long evenings and not enough time to do what I need to.  Trying to fit everything in can be tricky, and with school will be especially tricky...in a good way, I'm sure, but...

I'm not meaning to complain.  It's just me trying to sort my emotions and everything.  Most of the time, life is good, but in case people wondered - yes, life can be hard, depressing, "lame", trying, and especially difficult some weeks more than others, even for those whom it doesn't seem like it would apply to.  So what do we remedy it with? (Aka., what have I been trying a lot of lately?)

-Scripture study...sometimes more than 15 minutes. Sometimes you've got to read from 5pm to 5 in the morning in order to finally feel in the right mood or Spirit.

-Prayer.  Praying like there's nothing else to do. My dad says (quoting President Hinckley): "Pray like it all depends on Heavenly Father, and then work like it all depends on you".  Pray for others and their struggles. 30 minutes later, you may still be praying, but with a different purpose than you started.

-Go to the Temple.  I sat in the waiting room for probably 20 minutes before I felt like I could completely leave the world and it's worries behind, but even then the worries I had were still on my mind.  Then I went down to the Baptistry, went to work, and came back feeling refreshed.  Sometimes it takes a short visit, sometimes longer. You just have to make the time.

-Not gossip.  I've noticed that there's been a lot of gossip going on lately, and I try not to be a part of it, but man it's hard sometimes.  Try it.  Go a week, or even a day noticing how you talk or listen about people.  Gossip can tear a person down the same way a wrecking ball does to a building.  Change the conversations for the good.

-Loud music. Sometimes you just gotta let it out.  One time it was turning the volume up to the max on the piano and playing long and loud songs, loud enough that I'm sure the neighbors could hear even with the windows closed.  No one else was home, so I figured they wouldn't mind... ;)

-Realize you've changed. You're still the same entity that goes to bed at night and wakes up for the day, but what's inside of you has grown and changed.  You're not the same, but you're still you.  It's a paradox that's hard to explain, but easier to understand.  If you're looking to do the same things the same way, you're selling yourself short.  It's not going to happen.  Times has passed, you and your surroundings change, and you move on.  Albeit it's not easy.  Oh no.  It can be rotten hard.  But it's really for the best.

-Paradigm shift.  Gotta make the decision to change.  And if you do, you have to jump in facing forward with both feet.  No twisting, no looking back, no holding on to anything else.  The times when you don't think it's working, when you feel like you've tried long enough with no results, you just gotta keep pushing forward with hope and faith that it'll come through.  Some day it will.

-And one of the hardest....Trust.  Give up your pride, let go of your doubts, and trust in the Maker of the Universe who holds you in the palm of His hand.  Trust in His timing, His blessings, His promises, and the trials that He allows.

These are some of the things I try.  Some of them work better than others, and may be easier, and you might even find something that works for you that no one else has tried or found to work yet.  But just thought you should know, sometimes we have a hard time.

Love, Me.

Buckle up, get set, go!

Sometimes when you get on here, it's because you have something on your mind and you just need to spit it out so that it can be sorted and understood a little better. Occasionally there's a story to be told, or an event that needs mentioning.

This time, I don't know why I'm on here, other than just for the joy of blogging.

I did apply for a job as a receptionist at BYU today, in the Ancient Scripture department. We'll see how that goes. :)  I helped "cater" a wedding last Saturday, from 10:30am-10:30pm, with a 3 hour break at three when I got to go to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple.  I absolutely love it there. The peace that's in there...mmm. I've missed it.  Working was fun, too, I was surprised. I kind of like manual labor, as weird as that sounds. Any work can be good, but this was fun. I got there, had some instructions, then they said, "Okay, you're in charge now", and I was...and it was great! I did start to get tired at about 8:30 that evening...and it would have helped to have another worker, but what we had worked well. I have to admit, although humbly, that I think I surprised people there. They thought I was older, so awesome for helping even though I wasn't related (although I did get paid, so it was kind of nice that way, haha), and was surprised that I had been there since that morning and was still going strong and knew where everything went...honestly...I think it was because I enjoyed what I was doing, and had been to the temple.  Whatever reason, it was a good experience.

So, yeah. This is a weird post, but it matches me.  I'm meeting new friends, keeping up with old ones, and having a good time in between. Life is crazy, life is busy, life is good, life is...life.

School starts in 3 weeks.  I'm kind of excited and mostly not ready for summer to be over. I like my summers. :)

Anyhow, there's my update. Ciao,

Love, Me.

An Update...on a Snowless Winter

Life's been full lately.  Interesting, good, happy, sad, busy...you name it, it's probably happened or happening.  I finished Winter Semester, and am in the middle of my second week of Spring Term.  I made the wonderful decision to take SFL 290- Critical Inquiry and Research Methods so I can take all of my other classes in the fall.  I'm taking a break from studying for our first unit exam tomorrow, and getting ready for the next one that starts Friday.  This class is intense.  Fun, but intense.

Anyhow.  A little while back my good friend Kayla and I (I haven't come up with an alias for her yet) did a photo-shoot.  So. Much. Fun!!! I loved it.  Here's some of the pics......I love them all. :)

Thanks Kayla. You're the best. :)


Also, I think I have failed to introduce you to my best friend, Cupcake. (Aka...Becca.)  We do pretty much everything together- talk, eat, play, study, talk, adventure, console, congratulate, talk, play...you name it.  Here's us after a much needed temple visit before Finals:

This is pretty much us. :)

Through the good times and the bad, we have each other.  We even match outfits and hairdo's without planning! People say they think we could even look related.  Funny thing is...we're so different, but so much the same, too.  Like that song on Tarzan (You'll be in My Heart)..."we're not that different at all".  I love my best friend Becca, she's helped me through SO MUCH this past semester. :)

Way back in January after FHE one night a group of us went and lit lanterns for the Chinese New Year.  Oh. My. Wow. Loved it.  I absolutely love Tangled, and this was amazing.  And the company was fantastic, too. :)

"The Wardies"...thanks guys. :) And my lantern. Sigh.
The Lanterns marked the beginning of a remarkably wonderful and tough time.  I suppose they are a representation of letting a part of me grow (and go), and making room for the next stage of learning and growing to come in.  Interesting when you get what you wish for.  This was at the beginning of the semester, and also the catalyst for Becca and I meeting.  I'm kind of going out of order here, and skipping quite a bit, but...all you need to know is that Orem 8th Ward is the coolest Single's Ward you'll ever come across.  Commander, Cupcake, "Blink", Co-chair, Zion Sis, Organ Buddy, and everyone else....thank you for the experiences we've shared.  You are really the best. :)

One last thing. 

For FHE (Ps. I'm a Co-Chair FHE leader. In case you didn't know.) last week we made 1,000 paper cranes. 

Yes, 1,000.

That's a lot of paper cranes.  That's a lot of folding, hours, and care.  We started a couple weeks in advance and had 500 before that night, but still.  500 is a lot!  We did it for a friend in our ward that's been very sick.  We believe in the Atonement with everything we have, but it was also fun to create a "good luck wish/charm" for him to show how much we care. 

The group you see are the faithful that stayed til 10:30 folding. We actually by happy chance ended up with 1,022 paper cranes, and after the efforts of some 40 people, we had this.....

Love it.

Yep.  I can hardly believe how fast time is flying, and it is really flying.  This has been a brief overview of some of my favorite highlights.  I've started a more in-depth post probably 5 times, but I doubt those will ever surface.  For now, things are going amiably.  I still get lonely at times, still sometimes get frustrated, but those are being outweighed by the times of peace and joy.  Also, prayers have been answered. 

That's all I can say. 

Love you all, I wish you the best whoever and where ever you may be.  Truly.  A phrase that is shared whenever we feel low (please apply to yourself):

"Chin up, princess (prince). Things'll work out.  You need to have your eyes up to see what God wants you to see."

I Seek The Kingdom.

Love, Me.

The Kingdom

Once upon a time there was a Kingdom far away. Every child had heard of it before they could talk. Every child dreamed of it before they could walk. The stories told about it created pictures full of wonder and excitement.  Streets paved with gold, water so sweet it glistened in the sun and made you feel lighter, fruit so whole and healthy you only had to take a large basket to get a single bushel of grapes. 

One little girl dreamed of traveling there one day and meeting the kings and queens and rulers of might said to live there. She had no crown upon her head.  No grand rug beneath her feet. Yet she hoped and wished with all she had that some day, she would be considered a princess and could enter.  She worked with all her might, cleaning the dust off of travelor's shoes, mending holes in jackets, saving pennies in hopes of acquiring enough money to pay her passage into The Kingdom.

The girl grew.  She saved all she could, often going without meals to have another coin to add to her purse.   Slowly, surely, her saving grew, and she herself grew taller and even more beautiful.  Finally, she had what she felt to be enough.  She sold her small home, packed a satchel with her few belongings, and readied herself for the morning. 

Waking, she ate a small breakfast, scrubbed her face in the icy water from a morning water barrel, set her face to the East, and began walking.  It wasn't before long that she came across a woman and her children struggling to pull a cart full of meager belongings, slowly working their way across the beaten road.  The girl came up and grabbed hold of a side of the small cart, steadied it, and with a warm smile, began to help pull.

The mother smiled gratefully, and the children chattered playfully as the two women pulled side by side.  The mother sold bread and washed laundry, and had to work hard to get by.  The girl told how she was seeking The Kingdom, and they all marvelled at the glory surely to come.  At a crossroad, the girl stopped, pulled out some coins and slipped them into the young mother's hand. 

"Take this, for your need is greater than mine", she said.

With hearts full they clasped each other, and continued on their ways.

A child ran back with a small red scarf.  "Momma says this's fo' you.  Remember your love".  The Girl wrapped it around her neck, scooped the child in her arms, and gave her a coin. "Many thanks to your mother", and the child ran back.

Soon the Girl came upon an old man, stooped with age and weathered by years working in the sun.  She ran to him, and supported him on her arm.  They talked, and he told her how he was a woodsman, and could carve anything, anything at all.  The girl laughed and told him how she was on her way to The Kingdom, to meet a king just like him.  The man smiled and said, "Oh, I am no king. But let me make something for you".  And he whittled and carved, and soon handed a small life-like horse to her.  "Remember your strength".  She gratefully hugged him, slipped him some coins, and they parted ways.

The Girl kept traveling.  She crossed rivers and pastures, and forests and streams.  Whenever she met someone, they would talk and rejoice in her quest for The Kingdom.  She would give them of her precious coins- her life's work- and continue on her way, her purse getting lighter and lighter.

The Girl often slept under the stars, and listen to the creatures of the earth call to each other- the wolf mournfully to its pack, the owls curiously to each other as they sat in the trees.  She sometimes gave her food to young children she'd see.  Still she searched.  Still she dreamed of the day she would reach The Kingdom, and oh, how she hoped she would still have enough.  Yet each day, her resources grew smaller, and smaller. 

Then came the day that she gave with a smile her last coin to a beggar woman everyone else avoided.  When she turned the corner, she fell to the ground and wept, for she had just given away the last of her money.  How now could she enter the place she had worked for her entire life?  With an unknown strength, and with an imperceptible voice on the wind, she rose, wiped the tears from her face, and walked on the beckoning path.

Finally the day came.  The path grew light in front of her, and her soul grew with joy to hear the wonderful sounds that came from within the gates of The Kingdom.  Tears of joy filled her eyes to have finally arrived, and she quickened her pace.  Then the tears turned to sadness as a man came to the gate.

"Hail, to the approacher of this Gate.  What brings you here?"

Her heart fluttered.  "I Seek The Kingdom."

"Well, you have found it.  What do you bring?"

Her heart dropped, and her eyes filled with sadness.  "I surely cannot come in."

The man looked puzzled.  "And why is that?" "Good sir, I have no money. I cannot afford to come in."

The Man smiled with loving compassion.  "Oh, dear Sister. You have brought more than what money could buy.  Let me see in your bag."  The girl felt a moment of alarm.  That was where she kept her remaining precious belongings.  Still, she reached in and pulled out the contents, starting with the horse, carefully crafted.  "To remember Strength."  A book. "To remember wisdom".  A bell. "To remember beauty and music". A small pressed flower and feather. "Wonder".  A thorn.  "Trials".  Lastly she unwound the scarf from her neck.  "To remember Love".

The Man smiled and opened His arms.
"All of these things have shown me who you are, and are better than any money for things to buy.   And now, one gift from Me".

He pulled out a small piece of looking glass.  "A teardrop from The King's eye, so you may see yourself as He sees you.  Enter, my sister, and friend; you have earned your way.  Take this, and Remember Your Worth".

The girl stepped inside with eyes full of tears of wonder.  The Kingdom, with glittering streets, beautiful flowers, and peace.  She had finally made it.  As she turned, she saw that the man was The King's own Son.  He wrapped her in His arms, and whispered,

"My Sister, Welcome Home".

The End.

Love, Me.

~Dedicated to the One Who Heard it First~

Like Unto The Prophets

Ether 2.

     "And it came to pass that Jared and his brother, and their families, and also the friends of Jared and his brother and their families, went down into the valley which was northward, (and the name of the valley was Nimrod, being called after the mighty hunter) with their flocks which they had gathered together, male and female, of every kind.

     And they did also lay snares and catch fowls of the air; and they did also prepare a vessel, in which they did carry with them the fish of the waters.

    And they did also carry with them deseret, which, by interpretation, is a honey bee; and thus they did carry with them swarms of bees, and all manner of that which was upon the face of the land, seeds of every kind.

...And it came to pass that the Lord commanded them that they should go forth into the wilderness, yea, into that quarter where there never had man been.  And it came to pass that the Lord did go before them, and did talk with them as he stood in a cloud, and gave directions whither they should travel.

     And it came to pass that they did travel in the wilderness, and did build barges, in which they did cross many waters, being directed continually by the hand of the Lord.

     And the Lord would not suffer that they should stop beyond the sea in the wilderness, but he would that they should come forth even unto the land of promise, which was choice above all other lands, which the Lord God had preserved for a righteous people.

...And now, we can behold the decrees of God concerning this land, that it is a land of promise; and whatsoever nation shall possess it shall serve God ,or they shall be swept off when the fulness of his wrath shall come upon them...

...Behold, this is a choice land, and whatsoever nation shall possess it shall be free from bondage, and from captivity, and from all other nations under heaven, if they will but serve the God of the land, who is Jesus Christ, who hath been manifested by the things which we have written.  And now I proceed with my record; for behold it came to pass that the Lord did bring Jared and his brethren forth even to that great sea which divideth the lands.  And as they came to the sea they pitched their tents; and they called the name of the place Moriancumer; and they dwelt in tents, and dwelt in tents upon the seashore for the space of four years..."

The Brother of Jared and his family and friends are preparing to cross the sea.  The Lord promises, and prepares them for the trip to the land.  It is a great test, greater than the Brother of Jared anticipated.  He is worried, and stressed.  He goes to the Lord with questions, his mind filled with worry, and probably doubt.  He asks several questions.

"How will they see, how will they know where to go, how will they breathe?"

"And behold, O Lord, in them there is no light; whither shall we steer? And also we shall perish, for in them we cannot breathe, save it is the air which is in them; therefore we shall perish."

Answers come to some, and others later after there had been time, work and faith.  Still some do not come, or seem to until much later.  After some time and work, some of the same questions again.  "O Lord, behold I have done even as thou hast commanded me; and I have prepared the vessels...and behold there is no light in them".  Christ restates the problem- He knows.  He understands.  Then He asks the Brother of Jared the same thing, with a heavenly promise of comfort to the other questions and a question of His own- will he be strong, and trust? What will he do, that the Lord will be able to help him?

"Behold, O Lord, wilt thou suffer that we shall cross this great water in darkness?"
"And the Lord said unto the brother of Jared:
'What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels? For behold, ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces; neither shall ye take fire with you, for ye shall not go by the light of fire.  For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you.  Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.  And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come.
Therefore, what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?'"

Though your lives may span a few thousand years, you are not that different from the Brother of Jared.  Your faith and trials are like unto his.  Your potential and ability are there, greater than you know.  I doubt he knew when he was young that he would build boats and cross the great sea.  You're on your own sea now, and like him, you are not alone.  Though for a moment you may not be able to see or understand, know where to go, what to do, how to breathe; the answers will come.  Help is there.  You are loved, and promised help and support.  I know because God knows, and we can trust Him.  I love you, as does He.

The Brother of Jared's final solution came with the 16 stones he presented to the Lord in chapter 3.  These along with the power of Christ gave light, and the Brother of Jared was able to experience one of the most precious and sacred experiences on earth.  Ours is a God of mercy.  He is the God of Love.  We have the witness of a prophet in the his words when he answered the Lord's inquiry of belief: "And he answered: Yea, Lord, I know that thou speakest the truth, for thou art a God of truth, and canst not lie" (Ether 3:12).

All of life's troubles and trials and tribulations can not be explained at once.  All the reasons for why can not be known now, nor should they, for this is how faith is built.  I know this.  This is real. 

You can make it, I promise. :)

Love, Me.

Dear World,

Hi. It's 2012. Add the single digits up and you get 5, which is today. Cool, huh? Now add 20 and 12, and you get 32, which happens to be the day I last posted.

Okay, that was a joke. But that would be weird-cool if it were true.

I am officially 19 and a half. And a day.  It's amazing to think of how much has happened in such a short time. PLUS!! Tomorrow is Maestro's birthday!! Happy birthday shout out to one of the best friends EVER!!! :D

School started yesterday, making today the second day, but first of the Thursday classes.  Funny enough, it doesn't feel like the start of a semester, but rather...like the middle of one.  I suppose that's a good thing. Yesterday I had a six hour wait in between my morning and my last class.  Because we just went over the syllabus in Biology, we got out 20 minutes early at 10:40.  And so, it was 11:15am and I learned something very important.

I was extremelly bored.  This wasn't good.  I had six more hours of this, then two more of class!  By 1:30 I'd already read half of a book from the Bookstore, had lunch, written two letters, changed my classes, renewed my registration on my laptop and ecclesiastical endorsement, bought more books (which I found out later I didn't need), and stared out the window.  It was then that I decided that I would rather have class at 8am than wait that long again, even if I did have homework in the future.

Lesson 1 of the start of the semester: Check your classes to make sure you've taken the prereqs. Preferrably before the day before classes starts.
Lesson 2: Days can seem more like 36 hours long if you're not careful
Lesson 3: If you're buying books, make sure it's the right edition and volume.
Lesson 4: If you're jumping over a stool to get somewhere quickly, make sure you've cleared it completely.

With the start of the new year, people often make "resolutions", or "This is something I should work on and maybe want to do, and since everyone else is doing it, I'll do it too. We'll see if it gets past the first week".  I honestly have never had much desire or luck with these, other than the one I made halfway through February my Freshman year of High school to see if I could go all year without chewing gum.  Weird, I know.  But, it's five years later, and I still haven't.  Anyway.  I guess if I did make New Years Resolutions, here's what they'd be:

~Be nicer to everyone
~Watch cool movies
~Do awesome things

Hmm.  I guess I can do that.  I think I'd also like to get to the temple a few times a month...if that's once weekly that's great.

Some people think the world's going to be ending sometime this year.  Course, they predicted that it would end sometime last year, too.  And in years before that.  In my opinion, it's not gonna end this year.  And if it did "end"....it's not going to be what people think. 

Reasoning?

I'm not ready to graduate yet, and that's gonna happen in 2014.  If we were to use a mathematical equation (+ my logic),  2014 > 2012, and it's gonna happen, therefore, it's not going to come to a halt this year.  That and How to Train Your Dragon 2 is scheduled to come out in January of 2013, and we need to see how that is.

So, Welcome to 2012. It's gonna be a great year, and see you next year. :)

Love, Me.

Leap, Fly, Sing

Sitting quietly
Silently pondering
on things of the Future,
Present
and Past.

Sorting through feelings,
Re-running memories,
Filing
and Feeling
and Thinking.
Of what?

Everything.
And Nothing.
This, and that. Here,
and Tomorrow.
Back and Then,

Over and over,
New once again.
Repeating,
Echoing,
Silent. Again...

I'm back where I sat.
Invisibly seen.
Quietly conscious of what
this Could mean.

Rhyming on some.
Telling on others.
Content and I Wonder.
Where does the time go?

I forget it's December.
I hear whisp'rings of Spring.
I want to go Running,
or Flying,
or sing.

Something. . .
Something.

Inside me it's Spring.


Love, Me.

Wonders

School started this week. It's been good, albiet long and tiring, and often leaving me burning whatever few calories I'm able to consume in between class. But still, it's enjoyable, and in a strange way, I'm glad to be back. I've been reading, and studying, and reading some more, trying to keep up and get a head start on the looming midterms and eventual finals. Trying to remember.

Sometimes I wonder what allows us to remember.  I know I've studied about the brain in Psychology, and learned about the hippocampus, the ear canal and other contributing factors to the memory storage in our brains. But something I can take weeks to study somehow gets...left behind, in a way, by the random, "nearly unimportant" parts of life that I can recall in an instant.  Like a fact, a name, an instance.

Back to the beginning of last paragraph. What allows us to remember? A personal desire, wish, connection to the subject?  I can reflect and recall names, instances, smells, scenery...nearly recreating an entire experience in my mind, verbatim with what happened.  Easily.  We all have things that trigger a chain-reaction, such as a smell (it's incredibly amazing how intense a reaction I have to some), a phrase, a look, a place, a name...you get the picture.  And yet there are some things, some experiences that we all try to block out and erase because we regret them in some way. 

So there must be a part of the personal will involved here. 

Perhaps this is too deep for tonight. Perhaps it's just me trying to unwind from a level of intense and critical thinking. (Not to say that I successfully maintained that level today, although my language may dictate otherwise...) Perhaps it's a fond memory in itself, when I think of someone, and a whole list of memories comes rushing back, and a part of me wishes for that time, and yet another part has already moved on, and is waiting with a smile for me to keep walking.  I suppose I'll always keep walking, in a way.  It's in my heritage.  Some part of that Stubborn-King-Streak that's in me. Which I believe, along with other things, is what kept me alive this time six years ago.  Wow.  That is another story for another day, although if you're curious, go back a year on this blog and you'll understand better.  Not perfectly.  But.  Better.

You know that song by Anna Nalick, "Breathe (2AM)"? She has a line in her song that says how "life's like an hourglass glued to the table".....And that in itself is just one of an entire crew of thoughts and memories that came up. About change. About life. About songs, and music, and love, and finding out who you are and who you want to be, in the midst of chaos.  I suppose I've been one who is curious, and about things that people say who's logic makes complete sense in my mind. With the hourglass- "yes, it may be glued to the table. But...the table's not glued to the floor, is it?"  And I'd have this image of a wooden table on it's flip side.  Point?  Memories, and thoughts and imagination can create the greatest magic and wonder inside of us than the world could ever imagine.  My points may not make complete sense to you now, tomorrow, or ever. But for me...

...I'm left with proof that a magic of sorts exists. 11:11.

Truly, though, isn't that what thoughts and memories are?  Magic.

Lemme know what you think.

Love, Me.

Waiting...

Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting........

What am I waiting for?


Hmm.








Let's put a pin in this one.

Love, Me.

Life

Sometimes I don't know what to do.
Should I sit? Sing? Dance? Draw?
So I get on here, and blog.

Sometimes my insides just sit there and wait,
Just sit there and sit there,
Doing nothing. Barey moving, barely noticable.

Others a part of my soul is pushing at all parts of reality,

Trapped,

And can hardly contain a gut-wrenching scream to all parts of the universe.

Sometimes a part of me wants to sit in a hammock,
In my own little corner of the world,
And sit there and weep and breathe and cry.

Occasionally I'll get anxious, and restless,
And my fingers will play long, fast scales up and down the keyboard.
So long and hard it makes my arms ache.

Sometimes I stay up late into the night,

Because I can't sleep, can't dream.

Can't dream. For all the sweetness it brings, waking hurts.

Once I sat out with a friend, watching a movies under the stars.
I sat for long periods of time watching the sky,
And the moon, and the stars. Forgoing the movie. Just observing.

Sometimes I just want to talk.
Just talk. Remember. Nothing else.
Just, talk.

Of course, just as often I'd rather listen.
Hear others express themselves.
Because it's nice to be heard.

Sometimes I wonder, how can someone be so torn, so confused?

Content, and filled with longing at the same time?

Wonder, and yet know the reason why the whole time?

One day I'll know. I'll be fine.

Til then, I'll keep walking down this long, dusty road.

Longing, Listening, Loving. Learning.

Love, Me.

The most beautiful place on earth...

...and I get to live here for the next few days.

Idaho is amazing. I am absolutely in love with it, and have been since I was born.  I'm up here on the "King Farm" in Moore...a town outside of Arco and Lost River...where the famous King Mountain is that hang-gliders lift off of.  The sunsets are spectacular, the air is clear, the weather wonderful...and up here, you can understand the phrase in America the Beautiful: Amber waves of grain. Truly, beauty in one of it's best forms.

Tuesday I had a neat experience. Backing up, I went to the Single's Branch with three of my boy cousins, and the oldest of the three said he was going to do Baptisms for the Dead with the youth of the Arco ward.  So I got to ride with him, and do some family names, and go inside the Idaho Falls Temple for the first time.  Wow. So beautiful. They're doing construction work outside on the Temple grounds, but I got some good pictures of the Temple itself...and the falls across the street were magnificent.  Tristan said they were especially pretty when they had rocks at the edge of the falls, but still, I thought they were nice.

 

I drove my little brother on the three-wheeler over to the river down the ways, and we waded in it for a while on Monday.  The water was cold...but you didn't notice after a while. ;) We did manage to lose one of his sandals, and despite our best efforts to retrieve it...nada... Oops. :P BUT!!! We went back yesterday, and it had gone down some, and we found it stuck on a piece of wood! Hallelujah! :)

This place has completely taken my heart...I wonder how I'll be able to return to home in Utah on Monday. :-/  I love Orem, and the people and where we live...but I can't seem to get over how this place is.  I've seriously thought about living up here in a few years when I'm older and perhaps out of college...course, I could always transfer to BYU-I. Right? Eh... Not completely sure. I guess I'm just loving this change of pace.  This scenery.  The love of family and friends that is up here.  Something.  Blogger has been frustrating me for the past few minutes, as I've tried to add a few more pictures a few days after I first posted this.  I had things ready, we stopped to get lunch, and I came back and my tumbdrive wasn't working, and my post had been deleted. (Gah!!) Thank goodness for ctrl-Z. :P Anyhow, here's the updated version. :)

...Here's some more pictures.

When Nathan and I went over to the river yesterday, we'd planned on coming home after about an hour. Nice amount of time to get a nice little tan, right? Well, then our family came, and we stayed for another couple of hours. I'd gotten sunscreen on before we went...but you can see how that went. This is how I am now...semi-red on the arms, and red and white on the top. :P

We went out to take some updated pictures for grandma's wall...but the wind was blowing, so we'll probably wait until later tonight. We got these this afternoon.

These are some evening shots of the farm...

This one is my favorite right now. :)

Utah is definitely good. But it's nice to know that I can always call Idaho Home. :)

Love, Me.

"Nice.....jinx."

I think blogging comes in spurts. Here's an actual play of events from today, between me and my brother...

Me [Singing]: "Tomorrow night the lights will appear. Just like they do on MY birthday each year..." [I had just realized that my life fits quite well with Rapunzel's from Tangled.] (mutters) Unless my birthday's on a Sunday.

Guido: What?

Me: The song? From Tangled? Lights will appear in the sky tomorrow, like they do every year, unless my birthday coincides [HA!! (See a previous post if you're confused)] with a Sunday.

Guido: What?? What's the date tomorrow? It's not the Fourth!?

Me: I know. Tomorrow's the 2nd, and it's the Stadium of Fire. They're having David Archuleta sing.

Guid: Who's that?  (HA! again. Movie quote.)

Me: He was on American Idol. It was between him and another David. The other David won.

Guid: So, in other words, they're having a loser sing?

Haha, so, that was it. I thought it was funny, and hope it brightened your day some. :)
Ps. If you're a David Archuleta fan, I'm sorry to have offended you.

Happy 4th of July celebrations!!! :D Yay for FREEDOM!!!

Love, Me.

And..then..there was..a title...!!!

You know when you kinda-sorta want to blog, and things have been happening since the last time you did (and even before that), but you don't really know what to talk about, so you just get on here and type whatever typical nonesense you want to?

Yeah, that'd be about now.

Mmm. Roses are blooming, there's some on my desk in a vase. :) My older sister is in Ireland and will tour Europe ("Ear-up" as my little sister would say) for the next six weeks. Lucky. ;) The Gospel is True, the sun still shines, the wind still blows, and somehow we manage to move happily on with each day of our lives.  Well, I try to be happy, anyway. I suggest you try it- it's more fun that way. ;)

Oh!!! I remembered!!! I had a wonderfully happy email this week...three scholarships to BYU!!! 1/2, 1/2 and a grant. THAT made my day. :) Many happy dances and thank-you prayers going around and around here.

I'm going to start painting my room this week, I hope. I'm thinking a mural...I'll post pictures if it works. :)

So yeah, that's life. Basically. Teaching lots...smiling lots...going to the Temple lots...yeah. :)

Oh, yeah. Happy first day of Summer.

Love, Me.

Hey it's June.

I got my tonsils out last week.  And my turbinates trimmed.  And so guess what?? I CAN NOW BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE!!!!! :) It's been about 5 years since I've been able to do that, and it's amazing! I love it!!

It's now day 9, and my pain has gone down quite a bit, thankfully.  I'm still on pain meds every four hours, but the dose is lower, thankfully.  So, I'm still sleepy and dizzy a lot, but at least I can do things.  Like eat real food.  I've had more mid-night snacks in this past week than I have in a long time, haha.  My left side of my throat is more open than my right side, I'm not sure if I'm having an OCD moment over that or not. But oh well.  Ps. I'm "doing better", not "all the way better".  So my comments here may be a little out of order.

But anyways, life for the past week has been mostly eat, sleep, medicine, watch movies, repeat.  Not a bad life. I think I've seen half of Disney/Pixar's animated movies, again. Those ones are cute, but don't make you laugh too hard, usually.  Laughing still hurts. :P  But I'm waaaay super excited that I'm finally doing something for summer vacation- Zoe Taylor and I are hanging out tonight!!  It's the BYU Spring Chorale's concert in the HFAC...good luck, John!!  I was in University Chorale last Fall.  It was fun.  I sang.

(But what else would you expect?) ;)

Anyhow.  It's June, everyone!! My birthday is in a month and a day.  What should I get for my birthday?  Maybe I'll paint my walls, that would be fun.  It sounds fun to me.  After spending so much time in my room, looking at my blank walls, I think it's time for something in there.

Have you ever seen Kid History?? Look it up on youtube!! Here, I'll post the first one.  They're hilarious, I love them. :)  Watch them. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80entLldZOg

Anyhow, have a good day. :)

Love, Me.

If I had a frying pan...

Teacher?

Learner?

Student?

Which one?

All three?

Ps. I think I'm gonna have a major change here......

.....but that's what life's about, right??

That and....eating...tacos.  I like tacos.  I should go to bed.  Cause it's late. 

And Saturday.  (It's tomorrow today, this morning tonight; I just want to say that curls are all right.  And that I love Tangled.)  That's it.

"This is either brilliance, or madness."

"Amazing how often those two co-incide."

Goodnight,

Jennenenenenenenenenenenenenenenna :)

Love, Me.

May the forth be with you...

Ha. Hahahaha. Lisp. Happy Star Wars day...

I haven't really been so much into blogging this year, I think.  Things have happened.  I just...haven't been blogging.

Is that a bad thing?  I don't think so....

But, just letting you know, I'm alive.  :) Very happily out of shule (school) for the next four months.  Still teaching piano and voice, and cleaning/spending time with my mom.  Enjoying the warmer weather.  Ahh, this is what Spring's about, eh?  It's good. :)

Have a good day,

Love, Me.

Dear World, take two...

So, I'm done with finals. Actually, my Freshman year of college is done. Heh, wow. Isn't that crazy? I think it's a little crazy. I even said "far out" yesterday, NO idea where that came from. ;)

I liked this last semester better than the first one, probably a few reasons for that, but I won't bore you with those.  But I really think NOT taking 16 credits is better.  I still had seven classes, but only 14.5 this semester...Physical Science, :) Family Finance, New Testament, :) Social (ballroom) Dance 180, :) Human Development, :D Book of Mormon, :D and Music 176. That equalled to 7.5ish finals... Music 176's final was in February and was my audition, Dance was the Swing, all the other tests...I say .5 because there was a take-home portion of Book of Mormon, but it was like another final. So. yeah.  Big year, good year, tough year, lots-of-learning year, happy year, sad year, and I can't believe it's all fit into one year.  Less than a year, I guess, but hey.

But I'm done. :)

I partied (par-tay) yesterday, which was so much fun.  I actually didn't know what day of the week it is was most of the week, just that the next day would be such and such a final, and they all need to be done soon.  So, I couldn't remember if it was Friday or Saturday, but was just glad for the break. :)  Had delish food, rested a bit, and went to the Provo Temple with some good friends, and even made a new one! :)

Turns out the Creamery is really busy right after BYU's Graduation. Go figure.  So we went down to Maceys where they have lactose-free cones for cheaper anyways.  That's the first time in a long time that I've had ice cream. It was alright. ;)

I don't know where this idea came from exactly, but suddenly we were looking for chalk, and found some for $1.06.  Then we were on our way to the round-about on 820 North (still in our skirts/suit, mind you) and set about to have some fun.  There was some crazy good talent that occured with those five colors of chalk.  I was amazed. :)  And really, really loved it. :) Favorite quotes from the day:
"It fits perfectly!", "Kami, pull over!!", "Chalkin' up a round-about, that is what I'm talkin' about",
"Gas Station" "What? I don't get it" "Hey, yellow car!" "What, where!?" "I Still don't get it!!"

Okay, I loved yesterday. Thanks to everyone who came, it was a real pleasure to be with each of you.  To anyone who didn't get to come, I'm sure there'll be more escapades in the future.  I've looked back over this and am kind of considering just deleting it...it sounds a little less ordered than normal, but hey.  That's life, right?

Ps. go to http://www.mylifeisaverage.com/ it's hilarious. I'm thinking we should put at least some of yesterday's events on there. ;)

Anyhow, this is me blogging. Because it's something I do. Occasionally.

Have a great day!! :)

Love, Me.